JESUS loves you! Unless you're a Muslim.

This has nothing to do with crime really, but I just thought I'd share.

So I work PT at a charitable organization inputting donation checks. So today I'm sitting at my desk opening the donation checks-mail and because their was a recent solicitation sent out there are A LOT of them. Suddenly, I come to one envelope which does not contain a check but a little pamphlet titled The Pilgrimage. Inside is a little cartoon featuring some Muslim men on a plane to Heathrow Airport. The men are of course talking of nothing but how wonderful their Muslim faith is, because of course Muslims don't talk about ANYTHING except how wonderful Allah is (and blowing up Americans, but that's neither here nor there). At the airport their waiting wives are also talking about how wonderful it is to be married to men who have such great faith in Allah, as they do. Then the plane experiences some trouble, and crash lands. Sh*t happens, right?

So upon learning of their deaths, the families of the Muslim men are all, "Well, at least now he is with Allah." Meanwhile, up in Heaven, an angel takes one of the Muslim dude's to check and see if his name is in JESUS' Book of Life. Muslim Dude doth protest that he should be going straight to Heaven as he was a good Muslim, but Angel Dude is like "Oh no. No Book of Life, no Heaven." Needless to say, Muslim Dude's name ain't in JESUS' Special Book. Muslim Dude is all, "This ain't fair cuz I did good works and blah de blah." Faceless JESUS is like but you didn't have faith in MEEEEE and so to Hell with you." Literally! Then Muslim Dude is all, "But I didn't know!" and Faceless JESUS is like, "Oh yeah you di-id. 'Member when that guy at your job came up to you and was trying to tell you how your religion was going to get you a Hotseat and you were all like 'How dare you! Mind your knitting, bitch'. Well, he tried to warn you. Muslim Dude again protests about his good works and being a good Muslim, but Faceless JESUS reminds him how Co-Worker Dude had told him that good works don't wash away SIN and that he must forsake his satanic religion (for Satan has created all these false religions to prevent people from entering the Kingdom of God) and ask JESUS to save him. Muslim Dude said, "No way, man. My family would be all sorts of pissed." Faceless JESUS reminds him how Co-Worker Dude told him all about how JESUS was stuck on a cross to bleed to death to cleanse the SINS of mankind. (Now a direct quote from the pamphlet "for God so loved his only begotten Son, that whosoever (including Muslims)...believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16." (I own two Bibles at home and neither of them have that little part about "including Muslims." Must be a misprint in mine.) Co-Worker Dude tells him JESUS rooooose from the dead proving he was the "true GOD". (I thought he was the Son of God. I'm confused.) Muslim Dude says "How do I know that's true, bitch? Did anybody SEE him?" And Co-Worker Dude is like "Five Hundred people!!!!" According to 1 Corinthians some verse or other. (Most of whom nowadays would be considered nuttier than a Snickers.) Again, Co-Worker Dude asks him to dis the Muslims and come to JESUS (like Charles Manson). Muslim Dude said "No thanks."

Back at the Book of Life reading, Faceless JESUS says "You dissed me, now I'm dissing you. To the LAKE OF FIRE with you."

JESUS is kind of a cold, selfish motherf*cker ain't he?