2/3rd of a Trooper

Even though I totally hated Rob Zombie's Halloween, when I saw that it had been released on DVD (the director's cut even) and there is a commentary track with my least favorite director, I went ahead and rented it. I could only make it about 2/3 of the way through (just after Annie's attack) before I realized that I was just bored and didn't really care one bit what Rob was saying and the movie was still totally unentertaining.

The jest of his commentary is "a funny thing happened behind the scenes" with a few little hints about how he thought his movie was better (Laurie wouldn't be such a stick-in-the-mud; Tommy would be more of a smart-ass, Loomis would have taken advantage of a case like Michael's, etc.).

The added stuff didn't really add a whole bunch so I can see why it was cut. There is a particularly nasty bit of business in which a female patient is taken in KaneMichael's room and raped by a couple of the guards/attendants as they taunt Michael. The point of the scene is to spark Michael's escape, but it all comes off as gratuitous sexual violence for the sake of gratuitous sexual violence. Clearly, others thought so which is why the scene was snipped. Rob explains that he thought the scene was important because reports he read and films he'd seen talk about how much abuse occurred in mental institutions in the 70s. Yeah, Rob. Thanks for clarifying.

(Oh, and another added bit has full-frontally naked Linda being strangled instead of merely a boob shot. Rob says that he's really glad his actors who got naked weren't all uptight about it because in general the crew has seen it all and really doesn't care. Firstly, Rob, it is your ACTRESSES who got naked. The barest thing I saw on a guy in this flick was feet. Secondly, whether or not your crew is excited doesn't mean that a woman can't feel a bit queasy about her boobs swinging in the wind while some giant swings a fake knife at her. And thirdly, STFU!!!)

Ultimately, the guards pay for their ugly deed which brings me to another thing that bothers me about Rob's movie. While the characters in the original film aren't exactly wholly fleshed out, they aren't stupid caricatures or types, and none of them are terrible or unpleasant. You felt badly when they died even though you didn't know them well.

In Rob's film too many characters seem to be "asking for it". When Michael attacks the really foul-mouthed bully kid (Rob remembers kids in his school talking about other's kids' mom's having to have cum pumped from their stomachs...despite the Murder High moniker we earned one evil lunch period, my high school really wasn't that bad at all), I seriously think Rob wants that picked-on junior high part of us to cheer as that kid goes from tough guy to begging, whimpering bloody pulp. Sorry, Rob. No can do.

I didn't even make it to the second disc which has even more deleted scenes and making-of stuff. I just don't care enough to invest the time, energy, or brain cells needed to muddle through it.

Latter, I'll tell you all about how much I hated Hatchet.