SVU: Let your fingers do the detecting

OMG! I am livid right now watching SVU. Robin Williams is "special guest starring" as a perv who called a fast food joint and made a dummy strip search one of his young employees. They trace the calls to a pay phone where calls were made using phone cards. Through the phone cards they find surveillance of Mork buying said-cards at a convenience store. After the Dynamic Duo go question him at his apartment, he gives an alibi about trout fishing upstate and even produces numbers for his hotel and a waitress at a diner who was "sweet" on him.

Back at the squad, Munch CALLS the waitress and the diner to verify his alibi. Anybody who has watched more than two seconds of Robin Williams shtick knows that he is the person on the phone in both phone calls. Our detectives must have been too busy roughing up perps to see Mrs. Doubtfire. Luckily, Captain Cragen comes in while they're 'on hold' to inform them that a buddy of his says no one is allowed to trout fish where Mork claims he was because of bad chemicals in the water. El whispers to Munch to ask about the fishing and the 'hotel manager' tells him the fishing is great. Busted!

Have the detectives become so lazy they can't even be bothered to drive upstate to check out the alibi? Did Elliott blow out his knee kicking down too many doors so he and Liv couldn't make the trip? Such bullshit! Contrived much!

Oh! We're 23 minutes in and already Mork is on trial (acting as his own attorney, natch...so you know he's crazy). We can already put this in Casey's (long) losses column. Anway, he's grilling the lab tech guy about the enhanced photo taken of Mork outside of a library where phone calls were made to the fast food joint. Despite the picture being all but a Glamour Shot (there are not pixels in the world of SVU), he manages to convince the jury that the guy in the photo could be Ashton Kutcher.

Then he gets on the stand and Casey brings up his juvenile record of assault. Mork weaves a tale of stopping a bunch of young punks from raping a girl by burning down a house. They got off and he got prosecuted for arson because one of the rapist's was the police chief's son who is now a convicted rapist. Casey is left speechless.

Surprise! Casey loses the case (please tell me that when Diane Neal leaves, they kill her character off) and we still have a half hour to go. I think we all know where this is going. Hope Mork doesn't mind being stalked because Liv and El sure can't stand to lose.

Commercials!

Well now we're back and Mork is on some morning TV show with a sheep he's named Elliott and saying people should stop acting like Elliott and refuse to conform. Now, he's leading a rally against conformity and now they're pillow-fighting. And Munch is into it! Now, Munch is back at the squad defending him. Why? 'Cause he's a hippy. Apparently, Mork's wife and kid died in childbirth and the Dynamic Duo wonder why Mr. Anti-Conformity didn't sue. Time to pry into Mork's past.

The doctor who performed the birth died in a car accident due to bad brakes on his car. They go to bug the M.E. She thinks the doctor killed himself because Mork was harassing him for killing his family. Liv wants to arrest him, but one of the techs tells them he won't be home because according to his website he's participating in some dumb demonstration at Grand Central. I'm wondering exactly what they plan to charge him with since one can't really be said to make a person commit suicide, legally anyway.

They go to bust him at the demonstration. There are these yahoos all over the place who stop moving whenever a whistle blows. The whistle-blower (who is one of those irritating talking heads on many VH1 countdown shows) is screeching into a megaphone about conformity. Yawn. Liv spots Mork over by VH1Guy. She radios El and goes to arrest him. I was typing so I missed what happened, but a whistle blew and Mork somehow got away and he might have Liv with him, but I'll have to let you know after the commercial.

So, Crocs with heels. Still ugly and over-priced.

Back! He does have Liv, but not at his apartment. Oh, hi Chester. I forgot you existed (blissfully for those 45 minutes). They want to know who would know where Mork might have taken Liv. They remember one of his coworkers, Dr. Chang.

She tells them about a sad date she had with Mork where he heard a song that his wife used to sing and bailed on her. She also remembers where Mork's wife use to work, at an old recording studio in Brooklyn. Elliott goes and finds Mork there sans Liv. He threatens to shoot him, but Mork says he'll never find her if he kills him. El backs down and Mork reveals Liv is locked in a sound-proof booth with one-way glass. He's rigged the door with explosives so El can't bust in.

Now, Mork wants to conduct an experiment. He goes all Milgram on them to make El shock Liv and he keeps pressing the button and we hear some really fake-ass screams from Liv. We don't see her so it's totally a recording but El is too stupid to know that. He accuses El and other cops of abusing their authority which Elliott denies (liar!). Mork whines about abuses by the cop's kid from his youth and the bad doctor who killed his wife and kid. He's chewing scenery like bubble gum. He keeps trying to get El to shock Liv, but he totally refuses. So Mork decides he's not sheep and reveals that Liv is fine. He lets him go in and untie her. She tries to explain why she went along with Mork, but El is just happy to see she's alright. (I'm no 'shipper but these two totally ought to bone. Too bad El went and made a new brat with his whiny wife.)

They arrest Mork and bring him outside where he asks to tie his shoe. They allow it (because they're idiots) and he presses what looks like an iPod Mini hidden in his sock and explodes the building knocking the detectives on their asses. They get their wits back and see a cuffed Mork girly-running away. They give chase and come to a lake, but no Mork. Liv says he's dead since he went into the water cuffed, but El looks dubious. The end. Apparently, NBC doesn't believe in making people pay for their crimes anymore.

Oh goody. Next week we get the dad from 7th Heaven.

What's happenin'

Oh my goodness, Law & Order. I think Ed had the worst exit episode ever. And that includes Serena's lesbian reveal and Borgia's fatal beatdown. The man went from 0 to degenerate gambler in 20 minutes. Granted, I missed parts of the episode because I am rewatching season 4 of The Wire and I was flipping back and forth between that and the show. I know Dick likes to drop surprises on us (see Serena again, or Kincaid and McCoy's affair), but a little build up to this episode would have been nice. Some continuity maybe. Dude, who am I talking about?

So Anthony Anderson, huh? I'm not excited. I think I will watch Top Chef instead.

There's a bunch of kids running around the office today. Apparently Take Your Daughter to Work Day still exists. I had no idea. Perhaps that's because last year I was jobless at this time and the couple of years before that I worked at places that weren't totally conducive to bringing your kid along. (Honey, today we're gonna go raid a drug house.) Then again maybe all those tough cops don't want their little girls to grow up and work prostitution stings.

Anyway, some of them are cute. Some are them are noisy. None of them should want to grow up and work here.

Speaking of The Wire S4, you know what's one of the most awesome things on that show? When Dukie smiles. You know what's one of the most heartbreaking things on that show? When Dukie smiles. Along with a million other things (Randy, Michael and Bug, Mr. Prezbo, Bunny, less Beadie). August can't come fast enough and not just because I'm already bitching about the weather (70 in April is hot!), but because season 5 comes out on DVD. I'm not totally excited about the newspaper angle and I already know a bit about what happens to some folks (Omar!), but I have avoided most recaps so I can go in kinda fresh. It's a good thing I'm old and my memory isn't so great because by August I'll likely have forgotten most of what I've been spoiled on.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

You know what I just heard on KDWB? The morning show jocks were discussing Dubya's recent appearance on "Deal or No Deal". I didn't hear the whole conversation, but I came in on the part where Dave said, "Reagan would have never appeared on a game show." That may be true, but his wife might have (if her Miss Cleo has said it's okay) and she did show up on shitty '80s sitcoms and Dynasty(!). But the really crazy part is that he is talking about a man who frequently acted in films with a chimp. Although not while president. He was too busy consulting Mommy's psychic friends and perpetuating unflattering stereotypes about black people to make those kinds of public appearances. The female jock them said, "I wish that there was still some respect for [the office of the presidency]." Yes, because showing up on a lame game show is the reason folks have no respect for the president. We were all hunky-dory until this past Monday.

Medium

Okay, what the heck is with this trend on Medium of perps getting away with it? Last night's was about the 4th episode of the season in which the person is not arrested and in jail by the end of the episode. Somebody is trying to say something, perhaps about the state of our justice system?

Who rocks the trivia? I do!

I'm so good. At Nicole's baby shower, we played a game where we had to name the artists of a bunch of songs with "baby" in the title. Can you name the artists?

1. "Always Be My Baby"

2. "Be My Baby"

3. "Babe"

4. "Baby, Baby, Baby"

5. "Baby Love"

6. "Can't Get Enough of Your Love (Babe)"

7. "I'm Your Baby Tonight"

8. "I Got You Babe"

9. "Baby Baby"

10. "Baby Boy"

11. "Baby One More Time"

12. "American Baby"

13. "Baby I Love Your Way"

14. "Ice Ice Baby"

15. "Baby You"

I missed two of these.

Name Change

I've decided to change my name. I'm CrotchetyCrocheter now. So there.

I have no news really. I'm still looking for jobs, both full and part-time. I put in for a couple of other state jobs plus one with Hennepin County. I really would prefer to work downtown Minneapolis. I especially don't want to be working there when the Republicans come. Frankly, I'd hate it even if it was the Dems. It's just gonna suck all around.

I have two baby showers coming up. Nicole and Andy's is this Saturday. I bought a couple of things and made some hats for Little Lila. (I think that's her name.) We're having something at work for Lindsey next Tuesday. I just made a couple of hats. I wish I knew how make more stuff. Oh well.

Stupid commercial rant

So Liberty Mutual has this series of commercials featuring people "doing the right thing". It's kind of like passing down random acts of kindness. A woman sees a guy open the door for someone else; she later grabs a guy before he walks into oncoming traffic. Some guy sees someone walk an old lady across the street; he later saves a ball from rolling into the street for some kids playing. Etc. The commercials make it seem like these little acts are anything other than human nature. I don't even like most of humankind, but even I wouldn't let some inattentive dummy stroll in front of a rolling UPS truck.

Well, one commercial features a mom picking up her kids from soccer practice. She tells them to hurry because "dad's at the airport". There's one other kid, Billy, there and she asks if he's okay. He says his dad is on the way. She looks worried, but drives off. We see Billy sitting on the bleachers waiting like a red-headed bastard stepchild, then headlights shine on him and his little face lights up. It's mom and her kids come back...to sit with him while he waits for his dad. I should note that there seems to be a time change. It was clearly late afternoon when she picked up her kids, but it's probably early evening when she comes back. So maybe a half-hour to an hour has passed. The commercial thinks it shows a person "doing the right thing". I think it shows a whole lot of awful parenting.

Did she drive to the airport to get her husband and THEN come back to find little Billy still sitting there? Or did she decide to let hubby pull a Tom Hanks and stay at the airport until they were good and ready to get him? I suppose abandoning a grown man in an airport isn't as bad as leaving a 10-year-old alone in a park to ponder why his daddy doesn't love him. Still, instead of sitting IN THE DARK with him, why didn't she call his dad and tell him she was taking Billy home so he wouldn't be sitting there like Predator-bait? Don't cellphones exist in Liberty Mutual's universe? (Oh, that's right. They do because that guy who almost walked into traffic was texting. But he was one of the yutes.)

And where the hell is Billy's dad? Did he forget to pick up his kid? That's like those parents who forget their babies in their cars every damn year! I'm not a parent, but I'd like to believe there are some things you just don't forget.

Can you tell I loathe this commercial?