The Rich Man's Wife

Oh how you frustrate me, Netflix star rating system! You make it so unnecessarily difficult for me to quickly give my opinion on a film.

This rant comes to you courtesy of The Rich Man's Wife. Some of you may have heard of or even seen this Halle Berry vehicle from 1996. Ms. Berry stars as a former runaway who is now married to some rich old white dude. They met when she was 17 and he proposed to her on the first date (he would have been 34 at the time). The tinkly piano claims I'm supposed to think that's romantic, but it really just skeeves me out. Both of them are cheating on each other, at least that's what we're told except Halle's the only one we actually see cheating. Hubby is a Very Busy Man who has Important Work to Do, so he's never there for his ridiculously hot young wife, but really, they still love each other.

Halle wants to make it work, so she tells her lover who is also her husband's business partner (played by a bug-eyed Clive Owen looking oddly like Colin Clive) that it's over and makes her husband take her to an isolated (is there another kind?) cabin in the woods. Did I mention that her husband is played by that guy who played Thelma's husband in Thelma & Louise? Did I also mention that he and Halle Berry have no chemistry?

They have a handful of romantical moments, but hubby's phone keeps ringing and his mind is on work. One morning Halle finds a gun in a kitchen drawer. She plays around with it, then puts it back. Later that day, hubby decides he has to go back to town or wherever, but Halle wants to stay.

That night she goes to the town's seedy 'tavern' and has a drink. She is eyeballed by some creepy looking dude (played by Peter Greene who is pictured next to "creepy looking dude" in the Urban Dictionary). She gets nervous or something and high-tails it out of there. On her way back, her Jeep stalls out in the middle of nowhere. Lucky for her, Peter Greene and his crazy eyes come along to give her a ride. He tries to get a ride of his own, but she disses him. Still he offers to come back the next day and fix her Jeep for her which he does and he manages to finagle a dinner date out of it even though Halle keeps telling him she's married.

For their date, he takes her to that seedy tavern again, the cheap bastard. We see them dancing and it is bad. The smoky room and slow mo along with the horrible music make this scene reminiscent of a Michael Bolton video. Peter Greene tries to smooth up on Halle, but she remembers that she's married and decides to leave, but he convinces her to stay. They sit down and he asks to hear all about her. She resists at first, but ends up telling him all about her runaway history, hooking up with her sugar daddy, her pre-nup that leaves her penniless in case of divorce, and her current misery. Despite the fact that the worse we've seen hubby do is go to work in the middle of their vacation, she confesses to the dude she just met, that she sometimes wants hubby dead. Peter Greene being Peter Greene then offers to do it, just as the nosy waitress makes an appearance. Halle balks claiming she luuuuurves her husband and was just venting, but nosy waitress is giving her the hairy eyeball, so Halle gets up to leave. Peter Greene offers her a ride home and nosy waitress ignores all her other customers to stay in their business.

On the ride back to the cabin, Peter Greene again tries to put the moves on Halle. When she tells him to keep his paws to himself, he decides to woo her by scaring the living shit out of her. He turns off the lights on his truck and starts speed-demoning through the woods. Halle doesn’t help matters by constantly trying to grab the steering wheel and beating on his arm. Smart money is on putting on the seatbelt and praying.

He skids into the driveway of the cabin and Halle leaps out of the truck and tries to run to the door, but Peter Greene stops her and tosses her onto a conveniently located pic-a-nic table. She fights him off, runs into the cabin, and finds that tiny little gun from earlier. When Peter Greene doesn’t back down, she wings him on the cheek (shooting out a window in the process). He threatens revenge, but takes off.

Now we’re back at their manse in the city. Hubby is home and trying to coo sweet nothings to his wife, but she is being coolly distant. Finally, they sit and talk and promise to be kinder too each other. And now it’s hubby’s 41st birthday celebration. If anything important happened during this scene (besides it being established that he’s 17 years her senior), I missed it. They have another touching scene after everyone has left. Some other day later, hubby is on his way home and we see a familiar truck start to follow him. Hubby stops at an ATM and it starts to rain. A black jogger runs behind him to get out of the rain. Hubby quickly finishes his transaction and runs back to his car. He calls Halle to tell her to dress sexy because they’re going out to dinner that night. As soon as he hangs up Peter Greene comes up from his backseat and starts choking him. He forces him to drive to a nearby park where after a bit of back-and-forth and a fight, Peter shoots him to death with that gun we saw Halle pull on Peter Greene at the cabin.

Halle is at home in the bedroom (the only room they seem to use in this big giant house) waiting in her sexy dress. She hears a noise and goes to investigate, but finds nothing. She goes back to the bedroom and is accosted by a dripping wet Peter Greene. He steals one of her hubby’s shirts while telling her all about how he just murdered him and left him poetically draped over a merry-go-round. Halle threatens to call the police, but decides against it once Peter Greene tells her he’ll convince them she hired him to do it and he knows a certain nosy waitress who might be able to back up his story. He orders her to pay him $30K within 3 days or he’ll go to the cops? I don’t know. Outside of killing her and still not getting paid, he’s really got nothing to hold over her unless he wants to go to prison himself. The cops are now ringing Halle’s door. Peter Greene tells her to stop her bawling and get out there and play the grieving wife and they’ll work on their arrangement later.

Halle is now at the cop shop. Two detectives take her in for questioning. Last time she talked to hubby, did he have any enemies, know anyone who’d benefit from his death…no, no, no. She’s let go. The two detectives discuss whether she might have done it. Black Cop inexplicably wonders if White Cop only thinks that because she’s a black chick married to a white guy. White Cop and I explain that, duh, the spouse is ALWAYS the first suspect in a murder. Another cop brings in some info and hands it to White Cop. He tells Black Cop that they have a new suspect, a “yo” who was seen behind hubby at the ATM. Black Cop apparently knows that “yo” means black man, so he rolls his eyes. I might have heard that on NYPD Blue once, but have no idea what it means.

Clive the Lover comes over to Halle’s. He has to fight his way through reporters to get through the gate which appears to be guarded from the inside by two police officers. He finds Halle moping on the dock. She tells him he shouldn’t be there and in the same breath blabs to him about the whole Peter Greene-killed-hubby thing. She then tells him they shouldn’t be seen together which is kind of stupid consider that he just walked through a dozen reporters and a couple of cops to get to her. Clive leaves.

Meanwhile, the ex Mrs. Clive shows up to implicate her Clive in hubby’s murder. She has found saucy pictures of Halle in her ex’s glove box. She tells the cops that Clive is broke and wants hubby’s money and his wife. The cops are intrigued and in trouble because remember that “yo”? Turns out he’s some prominent member of society and a friend of the mayor’s. D’oh! (Although I take a bit of offense at the notion that it’s perfectly okay to accuse your average Joe black man of being a murderer.)

Halle goes to see an attorney or somebody and he informs her that all the dough is frozen. Because hubby didn’t have a will and she signed that crazy pre-nup the estate has to go through probate which means she is basically broke. She pouts. Meanwhile, Clive heads into his place and heads for the phone. Peter Greene scares me and Clive by asking him who he’s gonna call. Clive is only mildly surprised to see Peter Greene because hey, guess what? They’re in this whole thing together. Clive apparently hired Peter Greene because he wants to marry Halle and get all her husbands money, maybe not in that order though. Peter Greene threatens to cut Clive out of the deal or rat him out to Halle or the cops or something menacing. It doesn’t matter because the point of this scene is simply to establish that these two are in cahoots.

Now the police are surveilling hubby’s funeral. They watch the ex Mrs. Clive saunter up to Clive. Mrs. Clive basically tells her ex that she gave his dirty pictures to the cops and that he’s going down and that’s exactly what he gets for not paying her alimony. She leaves and Clive heads over to pay his respects, but stalls when he spots Peter Greene nonchalantly having a heater and observing the services. The cops notice Clives balk and train their binoculars on Peter Greene wondering who this new player is. Clive decides to check for those nekkid pics which aren’t there. He decides to bail and forget throwing dirt on the coffin. Peter Greene though, decides this is a great time to have a conversation with Halle. He’s all grabbing her and making a bit of a scene, although we only see it from the cops’ POV. Naturally, they are really interested in finding out who this guy is.

The cops do a little research and find out who Peter Greene is and his criminal history. They’re starting to think he might maybe have been the killer of hubby and Halle might maybe have put him up to it.

Peter Greene contacts Halle again. She tells him she can’t get the money, but he makes more threatening noises, so she gives him the “fine I’ll get your dough let’s meet”. Being all broke and terrified, Halle goes to pawn some of her jewelry and goes to her meet with Pete packing a little heat. She goes into one of those watery dark tunnels that you only see in movies where he’s standing in the middle having a smoke. She gets too close to him and pokes the gun in his face and makes threats. He disarms her, grabs the money, and is about to assault her when some random folks head down the tunnel. Halle screams for help, but Peter Greene shoots at the guys and they flee. She manages to fight him off and run out of there. She ends up on some kind of interstate highway nearly getting run over. Life would have been so much simpler had she just jumped in her damn car.

If memory serves me, she runs straight to Clive. She now wants to go to the police, but Clive is reluctant. Halle is determined because she is afraid Peter Greene is going to kill her. Clive assures her that Peter Greene would not hurt her and he uses his name in the process. Halle catches her snap and runs out of there. She heads back to her house (instead of to the police) and naturally is accosted by Peter Greene. The two battle all over the place in the dark, but she manages to escape and hide. Clive shows up and gets shot but good by Peter Greene. Instead of staying put in her good hiding spot, Halle makes her way to the kitchen, loudly rumbles through drawers trying to find keys, and heads to the garage to a vehicle. She has to go back inside once because she has the wrong keys. She grabs the right ones, but Peter Greene spots her through the skylight and comes crashing through. They fight and we hear sirens approaching. She manages to wrestle the gun away and shoot Peter Greene just as the cops raise the garage door. I watched this a few days ago, so I don’t really remember how the cops were alerted (they might have been on their way to arrest her or somebody might have called…I’m guessing the latter since about a dozen cop cars respond to the scene). Halle gets arrested.

Now I will warn you that there is a “twist” coming soon that I am going to reveal. Halle is being questioned (I should have mentioned that we actually started out at this part and the movie is really all one big flashback even though Halle is telling the cops stuff that she couldn’t possibly know because she wasn’t there, for example the little scene at the funeral). She is telling the cops the whole story, but they don’t believe her. Unfortunately, they don’t have enough evidence to hold her because both Clive and Peter Greene are dead…or something.

The cops decide to check with the ex Mrs. Clive to see if she might know more. She claims she doesn’t know Halle that well, but that Halle isn’t the plan-a-murder type nor is she clever enough to pull it off. The ex Mrs. Clive tells them the whole plot was likely Clive’s idea to win Halle and her hubby’s money and he was killed when he tried to screw over Peter Greene and Halle actually had to kill Peter Greene in self-defense. And that’s kind of what the movie has told us pretty much. For some reason, the cops buy it, even though all evidence points to Halle being behind the whole thing and most juries would hear her story and see the three dead men in her life and lock her ass up. Anyway, they release her. She steps out of the station looking all lost and confused and like she has no idea where to go. She heads to the parked car and hops in. The camera pans over and obviously it’s the ex Mrs. Clive. The two smile and laugh because they have planned the perfect crime…or something. Except isn’t Halle’s money still in probate and wouldn’t the two of them not want to be seen together, especially IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE FRICKIN’ POLICE STATION? The suggestion is of course that these two manipulate this whole thing, except too many things have to happen in a particular manner in order for this to be true. I know I’m supposed to suspend disbelief, but they could have at least tried to fill some of the plot holes. For example, for their little plot to work out juuuuuust right, Halle had to know that Peter Greene would show up at the funeral and that Clive would spot him at the funeral and wig out and that the cops would see all this and make all sorts of connections.

And then there is the flashback aspect of the movie. You know why I forgot to mention it earler? Because the movie totes forgot all about that angle until the end. We don’t get a single voice-over or flash forward to remind us that we are watching events that have already happened. Then again, they probably realized that doing such would hip us to the fact that Halle was recounting events she would have know way of knowing about.

Anyway, this is a bad movie, but since I laughed most of the time, I can’t say it was awful. That's where my Netflix dilelmma began. I didn't really "like" this movie, but I didn't "not like" it either. Two stars (not like) seems mean, but three stars seems generous. Wish I had a 1/2 star option. Enough. So, I’d would say if a person was flipping channels looking for something to watch on a Sunday afternoon and came across this movie on that weird station that is like Fox but isn’t, said-person could give it a watch if they can’t find an Ice Road Truckers marathon or something else on.

Pa-rump-pa-pa-redrum!

How exactly are those nutcracker stamps supposed to impart joy to the holiday season? Those things are fucking terrifying! I would not give something that looked like one of these to my worst enemy (mostly because ugly shit like this tends to be expensive also). JesusMaryandJoseph, just seeing the stamps as I'm opening mail at work has me freaked out. Remember that movie Trilogy of Terror and the last story about the crazy killer doll? I'm just sayin'...

All Duggared Out

I really should ignore anything I see about these people because they freak me the fuck out and their shameless self-promotion irritates the hell out of me, but I had to link to this Gawker post which expresses many of my sentiments about the Duggar family. I honestly can't tell sometimes if the press is showing them to us as some kind of shining example of how we should all live our lives or if they (too) are trying to figure out exactly what kind of freakshow they're running down in Arkansas. While I can admire them for being extremely wise and thrifty with their income, I don't think their is anything particularly admirable about dragging kid after kid after kid into an already over-populated household, especially since you consider these new kids opportunities to teach the other kids about the responsibilities involved in raising a family.

And back to the income thing, one of the conceits of the Duggar show and Jon & Kate Plus 8 is that these folks are "just like you", meaning they are trying to balance work and couple time with raising children. They seem to fail to acknowledge all the ridiculous donations and whatever they earn for being a part of a damn TV show. I watch J&K now and then (I can't help it; I totally want to kidnap little Aidan and take him to the zoo) and I don't remember the last time I saw Jon leaving for work. They are going off to SeaWorld or Disney or down the shore or something with all the kids and either nannies or helpful relatives in tow every week. Are we really supposed to believe they pay for their own trips? Did the thrifty one-dollar-show-buying Duggars actually spend valuable Christian assets to go to that den of sin called Rudy's New York City?

You know what's really messed up? It appears that one of the Duggar sons had found some woman to marry him. What woman would even date one of these freakneaks let alone get roped into being Michelle Duggar: The Next Generation? My mind is totally blown.

Off that gross topic: I have finished Season 2 of Dexter. Season 3 only ended its Showtime run last night so I now have to wait for ever before it comes out on DVD. Must say I was not terribly impressed with last season. Certain characters were such annoying distractions (LILA!) that I could barely get into it. I look forward to better things this season.

I also watched a few Netflix Instant-Watch movies including a boring documentary about snuff films and an awesome documentary about slasher films. And since I have a decent library of films of my own I busted open my copy of Big Trouble in Little China and watched it with the commentary track on. There is nothing like listening to Kurt Russell and John Carpenter smoke, drink, and shoot the shit while watching a movie. I also watched a bit of The Big Lebowski. Meh! I was making dinner while it was on so maybe if I sit down and really pay attention and not work on my Jolly Roger sweater, I'll find it as amusing as everyone else does.

The movie industry hates me

Sigh! I am trying not to be angry about Rob Zombie writing and directing Halloween 2, but I just can't help it. It just bothers me so much that he (an alleged fan of the original films) thinks he can better the franchise. The whippersnappers and gorehounds really seemed to like his version of Halloween. Even though I consider myself a slasher fan, the bloodlessness of the original is one of its strong points. There is nothing fast-paced about John Carpenter's film. There are no quick cuts. There are no loving close-ups of gaping wounds. Okay, I've gone on too much about this already. I bitch and complain, but you know I'm gonna see it anyway...probably in the theatre even though that's all expensive and shit.

I do have a couple of remakes I am actually looking forward to. One of them is a remake of My Bloody Valentine which is an awesome Canadian horror film from the early 80s. The 2009 version is going to be in 3D which is AWESOME (hopefully) and it stars Tom Atkins. It also features Kerr Smith who was in one of the worst horror movies (The Forsaken, because The Lost Boys wasn't the first movie about pretty vampires and Twilight probably won't be the last) I've ever seen, but I will overlook that.

I'm also kind of excited for the Friday the 13th remake. This series isn't as close to my heart as Michael or Freddy (and I will have to rant on that in a little bit), so I kind of don't care about them remaking it. I kind of like that they are ditch the real killer of the original and going straight for the Jason. The movie looks very much like every other recent horror film with really loud music and flashy quick cuts, but I guess I'll have to suffer.

On to the news of an Elm Street remake withOUT Robert Englund as Freddy. Um, good luck with that but I don't know how you can pull that off. Robert Englund IS Freddy. As the guys from It Came from the Basement mentioned in a recent podcast, the filmmakers can't just slap any old stuntman into make-up like with most other movie killers. They seem to think it has to be a NAME actor in the role. They even suggest Johnny Depp since you know he's already been in two Elm Street movies (which he isn't embarrassed about unlike some now-famous people who started out in horror films). Apparently there were rumors that Billy Bob Thornton would play the role. I think a name actor would take too much focus off the story. I like my horror movies with a bunch of unknown actors who will either go on to big things and not include their horror debuts on their resumes or will keep making the same sort of movies for eons to come becoming SciFi staples.

Shoe Fly

What? Did you think I wouldn't comment on this story? I can't help but laugh every time I see something about it. The video is kind of hilarious and frankly, so were Dubya's attempts to lighten the mood ("All I can report is that it is a size 10.") George is a spry old scamp. Not that most politicians arent very good at ducking and dodging. Hiyoooooooo! (I'm here all week.) Not so funny are reports in the Times that shoe-thrower was beaten silly ("he was crying like a woman" which is kind of offensive, actually, but at least he didn't say "like a bitch"). However, it is also a little frightening that the guy was able to fling both his shoes at him in such short order. Thank the gods those weren't, like, ninja throwing stars or something worse. Even one month of Dick Cheney as president would be one month too long.

What up wit me?

Here's my latest adventures. I finally sat down and watched those Dexter DVDs I'd had for about 3 weeks last weekend. I had managed to watch two of them online and got all sorts of hooked. When I returned to watch more the next day, they were no long on Netflix's instant-watch list. Booo! Anyway, I am soooo hooked on this show now. I was quite bummed that the ones I had at home did not include the season finale. Looks like Showtime padded out the box set by slapping the finale episode on a 4th disc with two episodes of Brotherhood. I tried watching that show when it first came on, back when I still had super-duper fancy cable. Irish Sopranos in Boston instead of New Jersey. Yawn! Maybe I'll watch the ones on the Dexter disc and see if it's worth it.

I didn't have to work Tuesday night and I just couldn't bring myself to watch The First 48 (which I had watched Monday night), so I instant-watched Graduation Day online. That movie is best known as being Vanna White's acting debut. It's is a pretty typical 80s slasher film. It is basically Prom Night meets Friday the 13th. The premise is a young girl dies of a blood clot at a track meet. Her Navy sister comes home to investigate and then all the track team members start getting killed off. This movie is kinda badly slapped together. You can barely make out one character from the next. There one scene of someone getting killed and you're like "Who the hell are you?" because you have never seen this person at any other point in the movie. The true killer is also kind of obvs also. I gave it a two out of five which might be a bit tooo generous, but I didn't hate it and that's saying a lot because I seem to hate everything nowadays.

Right now, I'm upset because Netflix has committed some kind of snafu. I sent back the first 3 discs of Season 1 Dexter this Monday and they arrived Tuesday. I expected to get S1, disc 4 and S2 discs 1 & 2 in the mail yesterday. Instead, I only got the S2 discs. I went to Netflix today to see if they other was just delayed and they seem to have been under the impression that I'd already gotten it and sent it back to them. Now I have to wait until Friday or Saturday before I get that one. Which is okay I guess since I actually work tonight and wouldn't be able to watch the episode anyway, but still. Boo on you, Netflix!

So that's it. Maybe over lunch I'll get a chance to rave about the 13 Bullets!

The Crotchety Crocheter and the Bah Humbugs

Another boring day at work. There is NOTHING to do here. I anticipated this, so I brought in a disc with a bunch of my old school papers on it. I've spent much of the morning cringing at horrible typos and grammar errors. I also really hate how bad I am at crafting endings to my papers. They always come off as rushed, like I just shrugged and said, "...and that's that." I have to work on that...if I ever return to school that is. God! I hate being broke! I hate that I can't freakin' finish school! What the heck happened to me? I'm kind of a loser now.

Wooooooooh! Where'd all that come from? I'm in a good mood and everything. My papers aren't all that awful. I sense a little idealism and naivete in some of my writing, but overall, I stand behind much of what I wrote. After all I wasn't that much younger when I wrote most of it. Slightly less bitter perhaps, but not by much.

One of the things I came across was the journal entry I wrote to Germain after his death. It made me a little teary-eyed. I also came across a paper I wrote in one of my writing classes about his death in which I discussed reading that journal entry at his memorial. I talked about his death bringing our family closer and us being more open. Too bad that isn't true anymore. I've gone from calling and sending cards like clockwork to never calling or sending cards, not even to the Younguns. I actually bought cards, but just haven't mailed them. I think my Younguns are due for one big ole holiday package filled with the presents I've made them (yes, I have made presents for most of them, but again, haven't sent them) and the long-overdue cards I still have.

Anyway, below is the journal entry I wrote to my brother.

I’m sorry Germain. I’m really sorry I wasn’t a better sister to you. I’m sorry that I was selfish about letting you come stay with me in Minnesota. I wish I had paid more attention when you called. I wish I had really read into what you were saying about how you were doing. I’m really sorry I didn’t understand what it was like for you being alone in the house with someone who could change moods at the drop of a dime. I won’t feel guilty. I won’t blame myself for what you chose to do. This was your solution. This was your way out of your pain and hurt.
I hope you will forgive me for not being strong enough for you. I want you to know that I love you and the fact that you are gone will be a great loss to me and many others whose lives you’ve touched.
It’s too bad we couldn’t talk about things that happened: our youth, our growing-up years. Maybe if we had these words would be in a letter to you or I’d be saying them to you on the telephone. The tears would still fall. The pain would still be there. But you would be here.
It’s hard for me to believe in the concept of God or Jehovah, but I want to. And I want to believe that He saw into your heart and will take you into Heaven or bring you back in the hereafter to be with us and Mama. If there isn’t, I hope that all of your pain and suffering are over, and that there is some peace and comfort in your life FINALLY.
Take care, Little Brother. I miss you.

That brings me to another thing. I miss writing in my journal. Blogging is cool and all, but it is no replacement for my little journal book. I don't even know why I don't do it anymore. I guess I lost patience with it. I stopped long before I started this blog thing. Because blogging is all OUT THERE and stuff, I can't be as blunt and honest as I can in my journal. I know no one is gonna read my little notebook, but who knows who might stumble across this thing. This particular entry is probably the most open I've been in a journal entry and I only really feel safe blogging it because NO ONE READS THIS BUT ME. I could copy and paste this over on MySpace where I know I have more readers, but I don't know if I wanna.

My break is long over. Once again I have to shrug my shoulders and abruptly end my writing. I really need to work on that.

Turkey Day Re-visited

It’s dead right now. I have already done 105 record requests (some of those were multiples though) and 13 reinstatements. I was pretty much done by 2. I’m too fast for my own good because now I have nothing to do and I’m bored. So bored I even took a smoke break. Now I feel icky and smelly. I hate smoking at work.

Since I’m so bored, I figure I’ll recount my Thanksgiving weekend. On Wednesday, I went to the CC with Rebecca. That was none too exciting. We talked a little and had cheese fries and PBR. I started feeling sick and left by 11. I almost felt bad leaving her alone, but Christine (ugh!) was on her way and Rebecca handles herself pretty well alone.

When I got home, I promptly puked up my fries and beer and felt like crap the next day. Still I soldiered on and made my butternut squash gratin to take to JewLo’s. Mr. JewLo and BabyGirl JewLo picked me at about 3. BGJL is so adorable and was all over me, showing her auntie some much needed baby-love. I could have been a ½ way good auntie and called my own family, but I just couldn’t muster the energy to do it. For some reason, I’ve just been avoiding calling home for months now. When I was flush, I had no problem with it, but now I just can’t do it.

I thought about going out after I returned home, but I still wasn’t feeling great so I just stayed in and watched TV or movies or something. I can’t even remember what the heck I did. What I didn’t do was watch Dexter. I’ve had the first two discs of season 1 for over a week now. I did manage to watch the first two eps online before they were removed from the Instant Watch list the next day! Grrrr!

Friday was pay day so I went to the office and got my dough then went to my Richfield buffet spot. I also bought yarn I did not need to make yet another scarf. Maybe it will be a much delayed birthday/Xmas present for one of the Younguns (they are all too old be called Babies anymore). I stayed in that night too because I’m old and unexciting. I tried to watch Night of the Demons, but it just looked cheesy-bad which might have been fun if I hadn’t been watching all by myself.

Saturday, Sabrina and I did some shopping and then drove down to the casino in Hinckley for an overnight stay. That was fun. I brought all the change in my doggie bank (about $26 bucks) and about $60 cash plus I got $10 worth of free credits with my Player’s Card. I came home with $20 and no more money on my Players Card (but 28 points worth…something I imagine). Some of that was food and beers (And let me rant here about the lameness of the eats at Hinckley. I was not impressed with either the steak I got at the Americana Grill or whatever it’s called or with the breakfast buffet the next day. The best thing I ate was the loaded baked potato that came with my steak.), but the rest was all gamblin’. We pretty much stuck with penny games, but I just had to use some of my quarters in one of those slot type machines, I actually won about 86 quarters once (after spending only $2.25), but I got all addicted and just kept playing until my little bucket was empty.

We came back into town at about 1:30 or so on Sunday and I spent the rest of the day listening to podcasts and chilling until my Stories came on. I’m still amazed the annoying fratnerds have made it to the Final 3. If they win, I will know that the world will end soon. I never thought I’d be pulling for Nick and Starr, but they’ve proven themselves to be a pretty kick-ass team and I’m all about winning by your wits instead of dumb luck (dang it, Dallas!).

So that was my long weekend. Semi-eventful for me. Craziness!

May as well start early

Am I a horrible human being because my first thought when I walked into the Skyway this morning was, "Fucking bell ringers!"? I don't think so because they are just another reminder of the cacophony of bullshit I'll be forced to listen to for the next month. KDWB did a full day of their self-congratulatory Christmas Wishes on Monday and I just got a headache. I hate that people who have been broke every other day this year are suddenly freaking out about how they are going to get through the holidays. I'm broke and I will tell you how I am going to do it. By being just as cheap and penny-pinching as I've been every other day this year. Maybe I'll send out holiday cards, maybe I won't. If I have the time, patience, energy, and yarn (well, I know I have the yarn), the Babies might get some hats and purses, but even that's not guaranteed.

Why am I ranting about Christmas? I don't even celebrate. I'm letting it go right now.

Today feels like a Thursday. It should feel like a Friday since it's on the edge of a long weekend, but it's got that long, bleak Thursday feel. I was thiiiiiiis close to calling in this morning, but then figured why bother. I'd just sit at home all day watching court shows and hating my neighbors.

I got adventurous this weekend and busted out the old video cassette recorder to watch movies. Well, I didn't actually have to bust it out since I have a DVD-recorder/VCR combo. So I guess I busted out the old VHS tapes is more like it. All my podcast listening has really reignited my love of horror movies which I think has been sorely damaged by the ass sandwiches modern horror serves up.

First, I watched the TV-edit of Halloween. You may or may not know that when it aired on television back in the day, they added a couple extra scenes to pad out the running time. Neither of the scenes is integral, but they do add a bit of background to the Loomis/Michael story. So yeah I watched that and totally loved it, especially since even the video is in Widescreen (as all movies should be). One of these days I'm gonna do my own little recap of that movie.

I followed that up with Creepshow which I hadn't seen in ages and kind of forgot I owned until I went to put Halloween back. That movie is so much fun. It features five stories in the vein of the old E.C. Comics, all written by Stephen King. Lots of awesome big names in it before big names demanded no-kill clauses if they deigned to be in a horror film. Lastly, I viewed one of my old staples, Terror in the Aisles which is a sort of horror clip show hosted by the awesome that is Donald Pleasance and Nancy Allen. I still don't recognize a few of the films featured and it's debatable whether some of the ones that are should be considered horror (looking at you, Marathon Man), but I do love that little flick. I almost lost it to a tape-eating VCR once, but we are still together.

Okay, my breaks over. Back to watching the clock and counting the minutes. Later, turkeys.

Dark Horror

I'm listening to an older episode of the Splattercast right now (43) and one of the guys just said the craziest thing. He was reading off the DVD releases (for September 2007) and came across the listing for Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror. This sparked a smidge of discussion on 'urban horror.' For those who don't know, these are kind of the horror equivalent of Tyler Perry movies. They are (usually) straight-to-DVD horror movies with largely black casts set in black neighbhorhoods with similar themes to every other horror movie. They tend to be fairly low-budget and feature at least one rapper and a bunch of actors you've either never heard of or haven't heard from in a very long time. I haven't seen a lot of them. In fact, I think Snoop Dogg's Bones is the only one I've actually paid good damn money to see. I'm on a little horror kick (too many to watch, so little time), so perhaps I'll add some of these to my Netflix queue.

Aaaaaaanyway. The tripped out thing is that one of the guys said he didn't think black people watched a lot of horror movies. Whaaaaaaaaaaat? Now, I know I've never been a perfect representation of what black people like, but I do know that black folks like to get their scare on. They didn't set two Leprechaun movies in the Hood for nothin'.

Besides the numerous 'urban' horror films, black people are regular connoisseurs of all sorts of horror. I mean, my love for the genre had to start somewhere. Unlike kids today, there was no parental control on our cable box so I could watch all the Freddy, Michael, and Jason I wanted. Nobody checked IDs at the ticket counter to make sure you could see a film. It wouldn't have mattered much if they had because I didn't have to watch movies sneakily. My mother didn't give a crap. (Except that one time we wanted to watch this Richard Pryor special on cable and she wouldn't let us and I smart-mouthed that "we get to hear [the bad language] at home anyway" and.....I don't remember much else after that, but that might explain my split personality.)

Our family watched The Exorcist together for chrissakes! My mother owned Cannibal Holocaust (I did watch that one on the sly). We all went next door to our neighbor's house to watch Friday the 13th Pt. 2 when I was 11. That shit had me sleeping with my light on for a month!

There was a basis for the Jada Pinkett and Omar Epps characters in Scream 2. We are the ones who have a reputation for yelling at the screen and cussing out stupid bitches running up the stairs when things get too intense. Go to a horror movie on opening weekend and mixed in with the pimply faced suburban white kids are a good number of us baggy pantsed urban dwellers. You know who rents all those horror remakes and sequels and reimaginings? My sister and folks just like her!
Simply put, just because blacks aren't very well represented in horror films, doesn't mean they aren't watching them.

The Real Housewives of Crazyville

I should be doing something productive with my night off (like LAUNDRY), but I made chili and sat down to eat and flipped through the channels. I happened across Bravo and found The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This show is a freakin' trainwreck that I cannot look away from. I have mentioned this before here. It's 5 women who are married or divorcing professional athletes or other types of men with money. They spend lots of money and bicker like junior high school girls. One of the episodes tonight featured 3 of the five women and their husbands going out to dinner. Bitchy NeNe (she's the one who looks like New York's mom) got blasted and sang a mean awesome song about Kim (the white woman with the Barbie hair). She called her out on her delusional country music aspirations and her claims that she is only 29. Later, Kim and Sheree (the one who's trying to bury her husband in the divorce) go to a botox appointment (Sheree is only there to support "29-year-old" Kim) and Sheree tells her about NeNe's song. Kim gets all pissy.

On another day, Kim, Sheree, and one of the other ladies go shopping for overpriced underwear at some fancy shop (where Kim unfortunately reveals that she doesn't wear panties...eekeeeww!). NeNe and DeShawn (the one who runs some kind of foundation) show up and NeNe gets the cold shoulder. Kim and Sheree go to lunch where they are meeting Dallas Austin to talk about Kim's singing career. You see, earlier Kim had gone to see a vocal coach at Dallas's recommendation. The coach lady told her she didn't know anything about singing and making music, much to Kim's chagrin. She tells Dallas all about how the woman is asking her questions like she's at the doctors office. Apparently at some point the coach asked Kim how to spell 'cat' and Kim said "K-A-T". Seriously.

Anyway, while they're eating DeShawn calls Kim and Kim just hangs up on her because she's hanging out with NeNe. DeShawn thinks the call got dropped and calls back and leaves a message. Now, you must realize that Sheree is totally stoking this Kim vs. NeNe thing. Every other sentence is about how NeNe has no class and is a miserable person. Sheree kind of sucks. Meanwhile Kim sneers at the homemade guacamole that the waiter makes at their table. Kim: "He just made that in a rock! That can't be sanitary." Class is in session and Kim dropped out of school.

Oh, at another point. Kim and Sheree are sitting in Kim's car sipping wine or champagne and listening to Kim's song. It is atrocious, but Sheree (being a good friend) lies and tells Kim she has a beautiful voice. Sheree really kind of sucks. Then Kim drunk-drives off. Later, Kim goes into the studio with Dallas. The look on his face when she starts to sing is fucking priceless. If I had cats they'd have all leapt out the windows after the first note. He lets her finish and plays it back for her and you actually see it dawning on her that all those people at the karaoke bar have been lying to her. I loved it! She still thinks she can be a country singer. I think even country music fans will have none of that.

Ultimately, Kim sends a break-up text to NeNe about how she's not a real friend and she should stay out of Kim's life.

Dramaaaaaaa!

There's another episode on now in which Sheree tries to start a fashion line (with her soon-to-be-ex's duckets) and DeShawn tries to bring everybody together by throwing a barbecue. I must say DeShawn tries to play the innocent, but I think she's an instigating little sneak. When NeNe was singing the song, she claims she had no idea it was about Kim, but she was just laughing at how funny it was. I also call b.s. on her thinking that call was dropped. And the barbecue seems like a way for her to set up a little drama.

Just now she and The One Whose Name I Forget (she's the real estate agent) were shopping at some fancy store. DeShawn is married to some Cleveland Cavalier and TOWNIF is married to an injured football player. DeShawn comments on how she pretty much doesn't have to work because her husband has a guaranteed contract while TOWNIF's money isn't guaranteed. That might explain why TOWNIF has a career separate from her husband. (I just found out TOWNIF is Lisa.) The barbecue is starting. Instead of Kim and Sheree just telling DeShawn they can't come, they snub her. You see this is why they are bitches. DUDE, this show is CRACK!

Oh, speaking of crack, another reality show I love is Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is. Ms. Cole is an R&B star with a jacked-up family life. Her mother is a former(?) crackhead who had all 9 of her children taken from her at various points. Keyshia (and at least one of her brothers) were adopted by a upper middle class family and Keyshia went on to become relatively famous. The rest of the family has struggled, at least the ones we see on the show. The brilliant thing about this show is how the mom doesn't want to acknowledge how her freakin' crack habit had fucked up her kids. Keyshia has one sister who is the mother of three and in the process of divorcing her husband who cheated on her with one of her cousins (D-O-G!). Last season, she learned she was pregnant and was contemplating terminating the pregnancy. Unbelievably, CrackMama tries to talk her out of it by saying, "I never aborted none of my kids! I kept all of y'all." She fails to add "...until the State took you away from me." That was probably the most depressing thing I saw all year.

Anyway, it's back on this season and I need to know if she is going to keep the baby and if Keyshia has found out who her birth father is (surprise! CrackMama isn't sure) and if CrackMama is maybe still on that shit and who are all those other people running around.

I've gone on too long and the season finale of "Housewives" will be on soon. I need to refuel my cracklighter.

Update: Dallas has basically just told Kim that he isn't interested if she isn't willing to put down the Newports and actually work on her singing. I get the impression Kim thinks she can go into the studio and bay at the moon and they'll "fix" everything in post-production like they do for Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson. Except I have to believe there is a teeny bit of a base there. I'm not saying either is a good singer, but I think they have better voices, youth, and real ambition behind their careers. Kim just has Big Papa, her super-secret boyfriend. So I lied above because she's not married or divorced from an athlete. She's actually not a housewife. She's a kept 'ho.

Oh, and NeNe just found out that the man she thought was her father is actually not her biological father. NeNe sucks, but I feel pretty bad for her. And Lisa's injured husband is now uninjured and going to play for the Oakland Raiders. Gossip: Lisa and this guy have only been married for a few years. Apparently, she was married to R&B smooth man Keith Sweat and has two other kids...that don't appear on the show. Right now, that black guy who was on (won?) Project Runway a couple of seasons ago is telling Sheree all the reasons her fashion designer idea is jacked up. He calls her on being a lazy rich housewife who thinks starting a fashion line is a piece of cake, but much nicer than that. I'm pretty sure Bravo is paying him to be here.

This episode is messed up. All of their little hopes and dreams are being dashed. I kind of love it (except the NeNe thing which is actually for real sad).

Oooooooooooh! It's gonna get deep next week. They're doing the reunion. There is finger wagging and BarbieGirl Kim apparently claimed she had cancer which pisses Lisa off. It's ON! I shouldn't like this, yet another show about women being mean and catty towards one another, but damn! Crack, I tell you. CRACK!!!

Classsssssic? Not so fast.

As I may have mentioned before, I'm in love with podcasts now. I can barely get any reading done because I am always listening to podcasts now. There are many geeky horror fans out there who like to hear themselves pontificate on the virtues of horror, so geeky horror fans who like to listen to other geeks have lots to choose from. And a lot of them are Canadian or at least 3 of the ones I like have at least one Canadian involved. Midwesterners are represented as well and then there are the boys of Bloody Good Horror who reign from all over, but seem to largely reside on the East Coast.

Anyway, yesterday, I listened to Drunken Zombie's Friday the 13th episode and the guys brought up something that got me to thinking. One of them asked his fellow podcasters if they had seen any of the Fridays (not to be confused with unfunny Ice Cube vehicles) in the theater. None of them (I believe there are 4) could remember doing so and when I thought about it neither could I. Outside of Freddy vs. Jason, I don't believe I saw any of the Fridays on the big screen and I only saw that because it was free (thanks, D! sometimes I miss your job at Shinder's). While I rushed to the theater to see the latest Michael Myers vehicle--including Rob Zombie's shit stain of a film--and I saw all of the Elm Streets up to 4 at the little cinema on 66th & Broadway just outside of Gary, Indiana, Jason just never made me anxious to see his next flick. I'm old and my memory fails me at times, so I may be mis-remembering but I'm pretty sure of my facts. Jason hasn't ever held the appeal for me that Michael or Freddy have. I mean, I paid good money--we're talking ticket, popcorn, Cherry Coke, probably some Twizzlers) to see Halloween: Resurrection! Yet I could barely make it through a Netflix of Jason X. Glad that DVD had a 'jump to kill' special feature. I wouldn't have wanted to miss the frozen face smash.

Then today, I listened to Splattercast 36 in which two of the guys debated whether the original Friday the 13th (the one with SPOILER!!! Betsy Palmer doing the killing) is a classic horror film. It's a rather interesting argument, even if it's largely subjective. I mean, who determines what a classic is? What sort of criteria defines a classic? For that matter, how do you define horror? Does Silence of the Lambs count? What about Jaws? The Sixth Sense? That's a whole nother debate.

So anyway, Jeff was saying it is a classic because it sets up everything that eventually comes in the later sequels with the Jason (his brief appearance at the end), the counselors, Camp Crystal Lake, promiscuity = death, etc. Matt is saying that the first film wasn't very good, but has gained revered status based largely on the popularity and iconography of Jason Voorhees and the later sequels. I have to say I kind of agree with Matt on this. While I enjoy, Friday the 13th, like most people I immediately think of Jason (and because he was my first, I think of Jason from Pt. 2 with the burlap sack on his head), not Pamela Vorhees and her woolie sweater. Likewise, when I think of an awesome Final Girl, I think of Pt. 2's smart, resourceful, ass-kicker Jenny (she even tops Laurie Strode in my book), not Alice. Maybe that's because Alice had to fight an old lady while Jenny was fighting a crazy, hillbilly dude. Alice put up the good fight, but Jenny not only physically fought, but used her wit and intelligence to battle her tormentor.

So I think Friday the 13th is indeed a classic series. Even most non-horror fans know about the series and can identify Jason Vorhees in a line-up (if he isn't wearing the sack that is), but the original by itself might likely have disappeared into oblivion had it not been for the sequels that followed. Or maybe not since it does contain Kevin Bacon no matter how hard he tries to ignore it.

Rant: Suck it up, Bacon! You think Johnny Depp is ashamed of A Nightmare on Elm Street? He even had the balls to come back in one of the crappier sequels. That's a real man. We know you are a fine actor, but if you can be unembarrassed enough to do a commentary track for freakin' Footloose (which I own so I know that you did indeed do that), then you can at least answer one or two interviewer questions about your tiny role in a little horror film. It isn't the most shameful thing on your acting resume Mr. She's Having a Baby.

Podcast Hell

Okay, NOTLP, ENOUGH!!! That one guy who insists on making some kind of sexual reference to every single thing anyone says is IRRITATING!!! He’s not funny! How unpopular was he in high school? Guys this foul-mouthed are totally the guys who tried too hard to be cool in high school by swearing a lot and making dirty jokes. Generally, you still wanted to punch them in the face. One person mispronounces pen, his response: “Did you just say ‘penis’?” *gigglegigglegiggle* Ugh! This podcast would be a lot more fabulous if he would shut the hell up some of the time. I just listened to their Invisible Man episode in which they barely talk about the Invisible Man. They have news and STVRR which take up additional time, but when they finally get around to discussing the movie, they make a handful of jokes about the hokey dialogue and then it’s all about having sex with the old lady from Titanic and why Kevin Bacon’s Hollow Man was more believable because he was a rapist or something. Whatever! Their 'cast are fun to listen to if you can tune out that one dude, but because he's also an obnoxious, loud, overtalker, it's pretty hard to tune him out. I only recently resubscribed, but I don't know if I can take it. More Andy, less…that guy!

Daily Jezzie: Baby Got Back

Jezebel posted about an article from Salon.com in which a black female writer praises Michelle Obama's behind. Reading the comments, I was surprised at the number of negative reactions. Some seem really dismissive and reductive, like snarks about not being told one had to be black to have a big butt. We get it! Black woman aren't the only ones with big butts. No duh! However, hair issues and body image issues are indeed present among black woman and the writer of the article, a black woman, is writing about it. For this writer to say in an article that Michelle's physical appearance is a source of pride and reassurance isn't something that should be dismissed. It is so rare for ANY woman to see someone who comes close to looking like her is cause for celebration. We have been inundated for years now with bony bitches who look like the sight of a sandwich will make them pass out. Why not praise Mrs. Obama's "fuller" figure. And even that kind of cheeses me off because, really? That's full-figured, America? I guess it's better than J.Lo. And to imply that her appearance isn't gonna change anything is forgetting that a First Lady's fashion sense could have an impression (hellooooo, Jackie O, anyone?) The excerpts in Jezzie's post in no way imply that Michelle Obama isn't also intelligent; it just shows an appreciation for her on a different level. And since this same site felt the need to post pictures of a shirtless Mr. Obama surfing a few months ago, it seems a bit hypocritical to go crowing against making comments on this intelligent person's physical appearance.

Is Dick Wolf afraid he's getting cancelled?

Tonight's episode of SVU combines not one, not two, but THREE recent headlines into one episode. First a "homeless" schizophrenic man is attacked and set on fire. The squad finds out there is a website, natch, where "Street Cleaners" post videos of themselves beating up homeless people. Turns out some kid did the schizo guy because he thought he'd raped his sister and got her pregnant. But no his sister had purposely gotten pregnant by the guy as part of a pregnancy pact headed by this other girl. This other girl got knocked up by some wack-ass wigger (I hate that word but I imagine that's exactly the word used by whoever wrote this shitty episode had in mind). The wigger character is so incredibly cartoonish it would be funny if it wasn't also maybe a wee bit racist. Everyone is all upset about the pregnancy pact including the mom of schizobaby girl, so the mom goes online pretending to be someone else and says goads the girl into committing suicide. But it turns out that wasn't the case at all. She was actually murdered by her high school boyfriend who was mad because she violated her chastitiy promise. He's going to jail...and to hell! And so are the writers of the horrible episode.

And can I say this episode was Sopranos-orific with at least three actors who were featured on that show, including Charmaine Bucco.

Next week, someone pops a cap in Elliot's ass. Maybe it's Fin!

Okay, I’m listening to an episode of It Came from the Basement and am getting a little annoyed. The guys are discussing Halloween. Actually, in this episode they are discussing the merits of Halloween III: Season of the Witch as a part of the Halloween franchise and as a stand-alone film. They are huge fanboys of the film; mostly it seems because of Tom Atkins, but also because it does have an interesting plot and a semi-creepy story. I personally resisted watching this movie for a looooooong time because of the lack of Michael, but have to admit, I was not wholly disappointed when I finally did watch it. I think as a stand-alone non-Halloween film it works great. The guys talk about how the original idea behind this film was to move the Halloween franchise away from Michael Myers all together (since he had, of course, been burned up real good at the end of the first sequel) by creating unique, individual stories in a sort of Friday the 13th: The Series sort of way, but hopefully actually good. Anyway, I can appreciate that idea, but I think they needed to separate it from the Myer’s Halloween and not use the name. It might have worked if they hadn’t already wet fans’ appetites for more Myers by doing one Michael-based sequel already.

All that isn’t really the reason I’m getting annoyed. What’s annoying me is that one of the guys, Dead Mike, is talking about how Halloween wasn’t really scary. According to him, Michael is “too clean”; he isn’t a “killing machine” like Jason; he’s too “human”. He actually says the thought of Michael as a simple serial killer isn’t scary and states that the lack of a supernatural element to Michael makes him less frightening. That? Makes no sense to me.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a woman and am more likely to die at the hands of a serial killer than your average male or what, but the idea that some dude just up and decides that he wants to kill and gets a big ole knife and goes on the attack scares the crap out of me. I love the fact that there is nothing supernatural about Michael. He isn’t some zombie slaughterer. He’s not massive (like Rob Zombie’s version of him) and he can’t teleport or kill you in your dreams. He’s just a regular guy who happens to be able to take a heck of a lot of abuse. That changes as the franchise progresses which serves to lessen his intensity/fear factor somewhat (coupled with the shitty mask he wears in the later sequels), but the music along with the memories of the original Shape (Dead Mike doesn’t get why he’s called The Shape) still serve to make even the pudgy Michael of Return and Revenge a little scary.

And his “clean” kills don’t bother me one bit. Real people do a fine lot of bad with just their bare hands. Hell, he was 6 when he first grabbed that big knife! While the kills in Halloween II and the subsequent films are more vicious and creative (HOT TUB FACE MELT!), they also turn the character of Michael Myers into more of a cartoon. Outside of wanting Tina to die in Revenge, I never really cheered Michael on and anticipated how he was going to kill. I never thought I was supposed to! With a Friday the 13th or even an Elm Street, one watches and wonders how each person is going to be disposed of. You look for new and different kills. You groan when Jason smacks someone against a tree or when Freddy smashes a girls head into a television (and then it’s labeled a suicide…eek!), but you also giggle because you identify with Jason or Freddy more so than with the vic.

I guess I can’t argue with what amounts to an opinion. Different strokes for different folks and all. See, because just now they both also say The Exorcist isn’t scary, which…whaaa? I kinda don’t get that, but I guess I kinda do. I remember when Jew.Lo and I went to see The Version You Haven’t Seen or whatever at the theatre lo those many years ago, we were both kinda like, “What the heck terrified us so much as a kid?” Then the spiderwalk happened and all the other real Regan possessed stuff and we were both re-fucked up again. For me, I think studying the Bible with demon-believer Jehovah’s Witnesses spurred a lot of my fear as far as that film and The Omen and most other movies about the devil and possession and hauntings are concerned. I’m an agnostic semi-heathen, but I got just enough belief in me to know that if there’s a God, there’s a Devil too.

So I can’t explain why I still will only watch Halloween during the day or with the lights on. Well, I can explain. It’s because I’m kind of a fraidy cat (and I don’t have a horror movie snuggle partner). But I watched The Devil’s Backbone with the lights off and wasn’t terribly frightened. (Off-topic: That is a good, beautifully filmed story, but it isn’t a very scary movie). Meanwhile I watched Inside when there was still some daylight happening with a light on and it scared the bejesus out of me and then I had a nightmare that involved Michael Myers. What’s that about? I guess there’s just no telling what will get someone’s goat.

Obama wins!!!

There I was sitting on my couch, just about to turn the TV off and head to bed, hoping my downstairs neighbor wouldn't turn on his noisy bathroom fan before I'd fallen into Dreamland. I figured I'd go to sleep and wake up tomorrow to really good news or really sad newes. Suddenly I heard a whole lot of yelling and clapping from the apartment below me. After a moment of irritation, I caught my snap and flipped over to CBS to see all of Katie Couric's teeth announcing Barack Obama's win. I flipped over to CNN to be sure and they were showing images of people whooping it up in Grant Park and chanting "OBAMA". I jumped up and down and clapped and threw up the rock horns, and then I burst into tears because this is just so incredibly awesome. I wasn't consistantly watching the news, but flipping back and forth and I was getting a little nervous. I knew he'd win our lovely, great state, but all them southern states and spots like Ohio and Indiana were making me nervous. Now, I'm just overwhelmed and emotional. I am sad that my mother and younger brother aren't here to see this and be a part of this, but I'm so happy for my nieces and nephews and everyone else in this country.

GObama!

I stayed in Halloween night. I watched The Tripper which was alright. A bit too much comedy for my tastes, but it was servicable. It's about a guy dressed as Ronald Reagan who kills hippies. Modern day hippies, one of whom was Jay of Jay and Silent Bob fame. I kinda hate him so knowing he died in it is cool. I missed his kill because I was...doing something else. There weren't a lot of likable characters. Thomas Jane's sheriff character was kinda funny and cool.

On Saturday, I watched The Girl Next Door which was just awful. Implied torture-porn is just as bad as torture-porn in my book. I also watched Black Sheep which was really good. It did a good job of balancing the horror and the comedy and sheep are creepy for real. Later, I met Rebecca and Bean at the CC for beer. Rebecca's new boy showed up. He's cute in a stoner kinda way.

I decided to watch a bunch of the bonus features for some of my favorite movies. I watched the Halloween documentary that came with my 25th anniversary edition which was really good and informative. I also watched the Friday the 13th ones. It's weird how all the horror fans are all crazy for Kane Hodder's Jason when he didn't show up until part 7, but I'm not a Jason fanatic so I kinda don't care who plays him. Also included are interviews with Amy Steel (Jennie from part 2) and the chick who plays Alice. Pretty good. The Nightmare on Elm Street one was really boring. I think Wes Craven takes himself a wee bit too seriously, but I still have a crush on Robert Englund. Despite his Freddie cred, he will kinda always be Willie from V to me.

So that was my Halloween weekend. Pretty boring. Tomorrow I vote.

Aaaaaarrrrrrgh!

I am annoyed. I am tired. I am cranky. I hate the world today. I slept for shit last night. My downstairs neighbor(s) insists on using her/his bathroom fan and it is LOUD!!! Sounds like a helicopter is hovering above my bed. Last night it was on until like 1 in the morning and I could not sleep. I think I'm gonna slip a note under their door letting them know that it is a disturbance. I think I should email Steve about fixing it. All of them are extra loud and pretty damn useless.

I am really hating my coworkers today. I am hating work today. The system is down so we pretty much can't do anything. There are a bunch of douchebags running around in costumes or with pumpkin earrings and teeshirts and orange socks w/bats on them. These people make me hate Halloween. Next year, I ought to come dressed as a bloody gross zombie, except next year Halloween will be on a Sunday. But whatever.

I was gonna maybe go down to the 3Rock and check out Brad's thing tonight, but then Big Sis called asking to borrow money and that trumps beer. I am undecided. I might just stay in and watch some of my favorite horror movies while getting plastered alone. Or not getting plastered. I don't drink alone too well. It's too depressing.

I am pretty excited to watch flix. The only thing is my neighbors suck so hard, I don't know how peaceful my movie watch experience will be. Maybe some asshat will be throwing a party. God, I hope not. Please please please go out. And I don't expect any trick-or-treaters. The folks next door have a kid, but I'd hope they are dumb enough to bring their kid around begging for candy. They are the property managers and all.

What's the Halloween equivalent of a Scrooge? That's how I feel today. I barely even smiled at the curly-haired wee moppett in a bunny costume in the skyway. Barely. I think it's just sucky coworkers and a lack of a good night's sleep that's bringing me down.


So I'm not sure what I'll watch tonight. I just go The Girl Next Door from Netflix. I think it's supposed to be pretty gory. It can't possibly be worse than Inside. Holy Mother, was that bloody! But it was pretty awesome. So far the French horror films are two for two. That's two for three if one considers Irreversible a horror film which I don't. I could not get through the whole film. It wasn't because it was over-the-top violent or too realistic or the plot unwound backwards. I just couldn't get into the story. I found the two lead actors annoying and unsympathetic. By the time the awful rape scene occurred, I just had to bail. Anyway. I do own Haute Tension, but I have yet to view it. Maybe this weekend some time.

I might stick with the classics tonight. Perhaps my top 3 slashers: Halloween, Friday the 13th Pt. 2, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, and Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors. So many movies, so little time.

I am seriously considering dumping the cable. I think it cuts into my movie viewing time. I can watch half of what I want to see on the computer and the rest I don't really care that much about. Just need to figure out the internet thing and I think the fancy cable will be gone. Plus I'll get extra cool channels with my digital converter boxes, so it doesn't matter too much.

Okay, my lunch is almost over and I haven't even eaten anything or checked to see what's next in my Netflix queue. Later, gator.

Torturing myself

Right now, I am watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This show is the reason I should always leave my remote control across the room. These women are INSANE and GROSS! There are 5 of them and they're all married to or divorced or divorcing from NFL or NBA players. They live in ridiculously large houses and spend ridiculous amounts of money frivilously. Only one of them appears to have an actual job (she's a realtor). She shows a house to some "rap producer" named Jazze Pha (that's pronounced jazzy fay) who wears giant gold-rimmed glasses that make his nose look like it's disappearing into his fat face. Another is a successful, strong woman whose occupation seems to be divorcing some NFL dude and trying to finagle a seven figure divorce settlement from him...so that she can take care of her kids and maintain their lifestyle, of course. At one point, she sends her daughter off for her weekend with her dad and spends the rest of the day buying really expensive ugly-ass hooker shoes (patent leather peep toe shoeboots, anyone?) that her "shoe stylist" brought to her house. Another chick, who happens to look like New York's mom, is pissed at ShoeBitch because she invited NYMom to a party, then (purposely) left her off the guest list. There is one white chick who is constantly wearing tops that put her weird babies' heads boobs on display, even at her 11-year-old daughter's $18,000 birthday party. She also has hair extensions that make her look like she has Barbie hair. Jezebel best describes her: she looks like one of the Wayans in White Chicks. She gets "emotionally tax[ed]" over NYMom's birthday diss by ShoeBitch. You see, ShoeBitch wants to come to the $18,000 birthday party, but she is worried there will be "drama" (that word gets used a lot). Another has some type of foundation for teen girls and feels the need to hire a personal assistant (and gets pissy when she finds out interviewees didn't google her) and she also appears to actually parent her children (with help from a nanny) so I can't dog her out too much.

I really don't know why I do this to myself. Last night, I caught myself watching 17 Kids and Counting which is that stupid show about the Duggers and their gaggle of similarly-dressed GodBabies. For some reason they went to Guiliani's NY and were shocked SHOCKED at how different it was from Arkansas. As one of the GodBabies put it, "People in Arkansas stop and talk to you." That is such bullshit. I've been in small towns and people do not just randomly stop each other on the street to chitchat. And on the reverse, it isn't like people in NY are all solo zombies who never talk to other humans. AND AND AND, people are stopping and talking to them and taking pictures of them and their GodBabies. Which brings me to another bitch. The conceit on reality shows that the cameras aren't there and don't contribute to people actually talking to assholes. Would any woman really be vying for the affections of Chance and Real if not for cameras?. Would any of the grody inhabitants of the Real World houses be doing body shots off of Britney Spears-look-alikes if not for the crew with the bright lights and boom mikes tailing their ugly asses? Shortly after this statement the Duggers decided to go get a bite to eat. They then attempt to flag a cab for all 19 of them. I quit caring right about then.

Okay, this has been one big run-on rant and I really need to stop and change the channel. God damn trainwreck tv!

Random commercial curiosity: Bailey's with a hint of coffee? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Podcast Alley

You know earlier when I posted I had a specific topic in mind, but then I got all sidetracked and ended up talking about how lame my weekend was. I'm old, so my mind wanders.

My original intent was to go on about podcasts. As I mentioned before, they are my new(ish) favorite thing. I seem to be seeking out more and more all the time. I do have to take time out to complain about one podcast in particular though. The first one I started listening to was Night of the Living Podcast. As I said before, it’s a couple of couples and their gay friend who talk about horror movies. The problem is that they get so easily distracted by how freakin’ clever they think they are that the ‘casts become hard to listen to. They all (well, except Andy) talk and shout over each other with ‘witty’ comments and jokes, losing some of the reviews and movie talk in the smarminess. They swear a lot which you’d think wouldn’t bother me, but it really does because it comes off really crass and undereducated and well, since it's usually bleated at top volume (not fun with earbuds in), it's irritating. I tried listening to one of the interviews they did and could not get through it. It was like listening to the KDWB Morning Show, but they are all (except Andy) Steve-O whom I hate. I appreciate that they’re all there kickin’ back like old friends and having a good time, but that’s only sorta interesting to listen to when those old friends talk shit to each other all the time. I don’t expect them to be Tony and Ted (and Doug), but I would like for them to quit acting like ill-mannered 4th graders every time someone says something vaguely sexual and to shut up now and again when someone else is talking.

That said, I do like their movie talk (when you can hear it). One of the podcasts I listened to yesterday featured Andy (can you tell he’s my favorite?) reviewing a horror porn movie which was hilarious. Actually, most of what Andy says is hilarious because he has this quiet, deadpan voice that seriously sounds like Gary Spivey with a little less Paula Deen to it. I also like the straight-to-video (-DVD?) Russian roulette reviews. The feature talk can be fun although I think they’re a bit free with the spoilers. (One can still be horror fan and NOT run out to the theatre to see something. And Netflix queues can be very long affairs which prevent one from making it to a particularly movie immediately upon its DVD release.) All in all, not sure if this one will continue to take up GB space on my iPod. It may be relegated to a check in once in a while thing, but not a continuous subscription.

Killing Myself to Live

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. I really wish I did not have to work a second job. I guess if I were actually seeing real benefits from doing so I wouldn’t feel so bad. Then again I probably wouldn’t feel so bad if I were, say, 27 instead of 37. It just seems like the extra paycheck isn’t making my debt any less. I am constantly doing a lot of boring from Peter to pay Paul. This month I decided to pay my rent late so as to pay SOME of my credit card debt. Those constant phone calls every day get really annoying. It’s too the point now where the only phone calls I ever get are from bill collectors. Booo!

All this working and not paying bills has limited my precious free time. It seems I blink and my weekend in is over. I make all kinds of plans to read books and listen to podcasts and watch movies and before I know it, I am bitching about football pushing The Amazing Race and Cold Case back 45 minutes, which makes me have to miss parts of Property Virgins and My First Place. It’s not like I go out and DO things. Well, sometimes, like going apple picking with Bean last weekend which was actually pretty fun, even though we got rained on. We didn’t walk through the very expensive ($10!) corn maze, but since I think we walked through the entire goddamn orchard looking for sweet 16 apples (thwarted), I don’t think we missed much.

This past weekend I spent my Friday night having over-priced PBRs with Rebecca at Gringo’s. There were a shit-ton of younguns running around and there was a cute boy sitting next to us, but he was interested in Rebecca and she was not interested in him. And then we were called lesbians because we weren’t smiling and we didn’t want to talk to the guy wearing WAAAAAAAY too much Axe! Yes, sir. Only women who are into women would not smile at your over-dressed-for-this-dive-bar, drenched-in-teenaged-boy-cologne suaveness. Then Christine (Kristine? Who cares.) showed up and it was ripe time for me to leave because I still think she sucks and the two of them together is a loud, over-talker marathon nightmare. I got home and watched about 10 minutes of the Rock Ballads infomercial (featuring Kevin Whathisface from REO Speedwagon looking like someone’s grandma) and ¼ of Frankenstein before deciding to hit the rack.

On Saturday, I was gonna go to Michaels and pick up yarn for my other sweater that I’m gonna make (aside: I sewed the side panels on to the front part of my sweater last night. Now I just need to sew them to the back, figure out what to do about the shoulders and sleeves, and I am done.), but my coupon wasn’t good until Sunday and since I didn’t have anything else to do in Richfield, I decided to do the SLP buffet which is way cooler on Sundays when they have the tasty prawns, but is also $8 more expensive. I stuffed my face and went back home and decided that I would straighten my hair…with a relaxer. Yes, after I don’t know how many years now (4 at least) I have given up on the ‘fro. Regrets? A little bit. Maybe I should have gone with locs, but it’s too late for that now. Sometimes I wish I wore makeup so I could just shave it.

Anyhoo, I figured I had a little money and didn’t know what my finances would look like the next weekend (current prognosis: bleak), so I should check out the Hostages show at the Nomad. This weekend was the Zombie Bar Crawl, so went with my “Subway” shirt instead of make-up. The place was totally nuts. So much so that they completely gave up on trying to collect a cover and they ran out of like, 5 types of beer including my delicious hipster staple PBR (which I only recently learned it part of some sort of hipster chic; I only started drinking it because Luce had freakin’ $2 tallboys). At some point ended up with a $5 24 oz St. Pauli Girl. Woohoo!

But the boys put on a fun show and the No-No’s (it was their CD release gig) are actually good. I even liked a bit of Pretty/Ugly even though they’re fans all seemed to equate zombie with afro wig. Idiots. I managed to mooch a ride home with Ian and some friend of his who happens to also be a bit of a horror geek which made him totally cute in my book. That, and the fact that the shirt he was wearing was very Freddie Krueger.

Sunday was yarn day. I made my way to Michaels and bought all the black Wool-Ease yarn they had (9 skeins) plus picked up another skein of glow-in-the-dark yarn (now only $1.99 on clearance). I had Sunday buffet at my usual buffet (I love their salt & pepper shrimps) and came home. Since I was down to like 3 pairs of socks and my previous-sized underwear I decided to cross my fingers and pray that I could get at least one machine in the laundry room on a Sunday afternoon at 3. To my utter surprise I got all four and was able to do a good portion of my laundry (still not cold enough for me to worry about those sweaters that have been piled up since March) in just about 2.5 hours. I was feeling mildly energetic, so I decided to whip up some spinach-stuffed manicotti which turned out good, but I won’t be making manicotti again anytime soon because it is a bitch too stuff.

At some point I finished watching Frankenstein (aside: This movie is awesome. Much more so, IMHO, than Bride of Frankenstein which people seem to love. Some of the funny is good, but mostly it’s annoying—looking at you, Minnie—and unnecessary. I also thought the story in the original was more frightening, perhaps because the monster doesn’t speak.) and started both The Devil’s Backbone and Inside, but because I was back and forth from laundry room to kitchen and both have subtitles I didn’t think I should watch them yet. Plus I was worried about getting grossed out by the latter.

Oh, I also watched about ½ of the original Tales from the Darkside movie (circa 1972) while conditioning my hair on Saturday. I love the instant-watch feature of Netflix. So deliciously convenient. Anyway, it was a cool, 70s-spooky way to deep condition my hair for an hour.

So then it was time for me to go to bed and my weekend was suddenly over and I still hadn’t watched movies or read much of my book (already saw The Ruins and know the big surprise twist, but I am still digging the book). I was gonna watch one of my movies last night, but I had to go to the store after work and then make dinner which pushed me into the 8 o’clock hour and I was eating so again, no Inside. So I watched the first part of The Power of Nightmares which is a BBC documentary which juxtaposes the history of the neo-conservative movement with the growth of extremist Muslims. Scary stuff.
Now I’m back at work, not doing work and bored to tears.

Battle Blog: American Werewolf in London vs. TheHowling Pt. 3 Synopsis

Awesome, right? Totally! Both movies are just full of fun stuff. American Werewolf in London has a bit more comedy with cute scenes of little kids at the hospital and wacky orderlies and cheeky nurses, while The Howling’s humor is more clever with scenes that feature werewolf movies and cartoons in the background plus there is the use of B-movie staples like Roger Corman and Kevin McCarthy here and there throughout the film. However, neither of them gets too bogged down in it. The plots of both are pretty sharp and get to the good stuff pretty quickly. I am still confused as to why David stays in London after his friend is chewed to death and why his family doesn’t beat feet to London to be by his side after his attack. Jenny was sweet and pretty and all, but their relationship seemed a bit disingenuous and certainly not enough to hold him there. But whatever. That’s a little quibble.

I like the idea behind The Howling’s Colony. Werewolves would have a tough go of just randomly killing people all over the country, so they would want to integrate and be like everyone else. I didn’t see too many plot holes and there wasn’t much to get all “but, wait” about it.

I didn’t remember either movie being terribly frightening, but each provided moments that made little me want to leave the light on for a while at bedtime. In AWiL, David has a series of strange dreams and in one of them, an army of creatures storms into his family’s house and murders everyone with machine guns in front of David’s eyes while a knife is held to his throat. The creatures them torch the place before slitting David’s throat. I found it particularly disturbing when they shot his little brother and sister. I was like 10 and I still wanted to believe bad stuff like that didn’t happen to little kids, especially not while they watched The Muppet Show.

I also remember being freaked out by a moment during the London mayhem scene. The beastie escapes and all hell is breaking loose. People are running all over the place and cars and buses are crashing. It’s like a scene out of a Lethal Weapon movie and it seems a little out of place, but it still makes sense although too many people seemed to be running towards the beast instead of away. Anyhoodlidoo, at one point a motorcyclists gets thrown off his bike and lands in the street only to be run over by a car. The sound still gives me goose bumps.

The Howling had some equally disturbing images, like the early scene in the grungy porno theater. It’s just so creepy and gross even though you haven’t seen a beastie yet. I was also bugged out by Terry’s encounter with Eddie in the doc’s office.

But what these movies are really all about are the transformations and boy, are they awesome. As we all know, back in the day dudes just fell asleep in a chair and grew hair in patches. The modern werewolf’s change is a quite painful experience. In David’s transformation, we see a mixture of agony and angst. Too many modern films try to make being a werewolf (or a vampire, especially a vampire) out to be this cool, sexy desirable thing. I can’t imagine anyone would want to endure what David goes through by choice. Another American Werewolf in London scene that sticks in my head is the shot of David’s hand stretching. I always involuntarily crack my knuckles and cringe when I see that scene. I just cracked my knuckles just typing about it, but that might be because I’m…typing.

The Howling’s transformations are similarly terrifying, if not quite as affecting. There doesn’t seem to be much pain or misery involved in changing. In fact, one (ridiculous) scene has werewolves changing in the erotic throes of lovemaking. Eddie’s transformation is the best with his skin boiling and bubbling up and again we get a creepy hand scene with his claws sprouting out from his fingertips. Eech!

The end results however are a little different. I was not all that pleased with American Werewolf in London’s final monster. I don’t think there was ever a good honest look at the whole thing, but what I saw looked a bit too much like my neighbors’ big old dog (known to me only as Big Dawg) with a fur coat on. The Howling’s beasts were these towering fiends with big claws and fangs and they looked truly intimidating and powerful. Well, most of them anyway. Dee Wallace (Stone) looked like a freakin’ Pekinese or something.

Best Transformation Scene Award goes to…………………………..American Werewolf in London! Maybe I’m biased by the Thriller connection, but that scene is still amazing and a great big F---K YOU to the hated CGI.

Overall, both films still hold up pretty well over 20 years later. Neither film feels terribly dumb or dated, and each can still put a fright into someone who is only half as jaded as I am.

Battle Blog: American Werewolf in London vs. TheHowling Pt. 2

Next is The Howling which you may not be as familiar with. I think this film has more of a cult following while AWiL is more mainstream. I’m too lazy to do any research on how much money each made, but I’m willing to bet that AWiL made more and it did have a bigger name director I think, but I don’t know. I vaguely remember commercials for AWiL, but not as many for The Howling and I would have seen them because I watched all sorts of stuff I “shouldn’t have” when I was little. (Dude, I saw The Exorcist when I was at the oldest 8.) Plus there was that whole Thriller connection that American Werewolf in London had. Okay, they weren’t so much connected except they were both directed by John Landis and used make-up artist Rick Baker, but I think a lot of people who loved “Thriller” (the long form video, not just the album or the song) decided to check out the film that Michael Jackson based his video on. I’m just guessing though.

But anyway, so yeah, The Howling. Here, a Los Angeles news reporter Karen White (played by horror icon Dee Wallace, Dee Wallace Stone at the time) agrees to meet a serial killer, Eddie Quist, who’s been terrorizing the city at a porno theater. She is being tailed by police and a news crew from her station, but they briefly lose her. At the theater, the serial killer smooth talks her from behind before his voice changes and he orders her to look at him. She freaks out when she does, but suddenly the cops burst in and shoot dude dead. They haul the shocked Karen out who claims she doesn’t remember any of what happened.

Over the course of the next few (days? weeks?), Karen experiences weird nightmares and has intimacy difficulties with her husband, Bill Neil. She tries returning to work, but freezes in front of the camera. A doctor whom she had worked with during the Quist investigation suggests she come to his retreat called the Colony to work on getting her memory back. She’s reluctant, but her husband and a couple of her co-workers, Chris and Terry, convince her to go.

At the Colony, she and Bill mingle with some of the other Colonists at a cookout/bonfire. Bill encounters Marsha who gives him the hairy eyeball while Karen is off talking with another couple. After they go to bed, Karen hears howling out in the woods. When she goes to the window to listen closer, she sees a large animal-like figure standing outside her window. When she wakes Bill to check it out, the figure is gone.

Back in L.A., Chris and Terry are doing further investigation into Eddie Quist. They visit his apartment where they find articles on the serial killings as well as drawings of werewolf-like people and a photo of a lake. They also visit the morgue where it is discovered that Eddie’s body has disappeared. Later, they head to a book store which has everything from books on the occult to silver bullets someone ordered but never picked up. They pick up a couple of books on werewolf lore.

At the Colony, Karen and Bill are hanging out separately with their fellow Colonists. Bill, who was established earlier as a vegetarian, goes off hunting with a bunch of the men. He kills a rabbit with his first shot and goes over to Marsha’s to have it cooked and cleaned. Not surprisingly, she hits on him (it was also established that she’s a “nymphomaniac”). He gives in for a minute, but then pushes her away and leaves.

While Bill is off hunting, Karen takes a stroll with another woman. They hear weird animal noises and find a mangled cow carcass before being startled by the sheriff and his deputy. The sheriff says another cow was found a ways away. He offers to take the two frightened women back to the camp.

On his way back to his and Karen’s cabin, Bill is attacked and bitten by an animal. He makes it back to the cabin and is later treated by doc. Karen wants to leave, but the doctor quickly tells her it isn’t good for Bill to travel with his wound. So Karen calls up Terry and Chris who agree to come up to ease Karen’s mind.

The next day, the two couples are having a little ocean-side picnic. Terry realizes she hasn’t brought any vegetables and apologizes to Bill, but he dismisses it as he practically gnaws at the bone of some hunk of meat. (My theory is most vegetarians really just need a good slab or two of bacon to turn them around. Kidding!)

That night, Karen wakes from a bad dream to find Bill’s half of the bed empty. Bill it seems has headed out for a midnight booty call with Marsha. The two make whoopee by a fire and change into werewolves during the act. Terry is woken up by their howls and leaps up to record the sounds.

The next day, Chris has to return to the city. Terry decides to do a bit of sightseeing (snooping). While taking pictures she notices the view from a particular shot is the same as the picture she found at Eddie’s apartment. She wanders further into the woods and finds Marsha’s cabin. Nosy Parker that she is, she goes in and starts poking around. She sees many drawings similar to those from Eddie’s apartment. She’s snapping pictures when she hears animal noises from behind a door. She runs out of the room, closing the door behind her. As the thing tries to break through that door, she leaps from the window and grabs a nearby hatchet. She goes to hide under the porch, but the beast busts through and grabs at her. She manages to wriggle away and hack half its arm off. As the arm changes back to a human hand, she freaks out and runs from under the porch to doc’s office.

Over at Karen and Bill’s, Karen wakes up late and asks Bill where he was last night. He changes his shirt as he tells her he just went for a walk. Karen notices scratches on his back and Bill blames them on the attack the previous night. Karen points out that they were not there the night before. Bill accuses her of being paranoid and Karen accuses him of being a cheat at which point Bill slaps her. He tries to apologize, but Karen shirks him off and tells him she’s going to get Terry and she is going have Chris drive them out of there.

Terry reaches doc’s place and immediately phones Chris. She tells him about the photo and the pictures she saw at the cabin. She also tells him she thinks the doctor is in on it. Chris asks her to look for Eddie’s file. Terry finds not only Eddie Quist, but also Marsha and SomeOtherDude Quist, but before she can elaborate the file is taken from her hand by a giant mangy dog standing on its hind legs. The dog smacks her across the face sending her, the phone, and the files flying while Chris calls her name over the phone line. Terry desperately tries to elude the creature, but it ultimately grabs her, lifts her up, and takes a bite out of her neck, killing her.

Chris rushes to her aid. He goes to the book shop and buys the silver bullets and heads up to the Colony. Meanwhile, Karen and her bags storm into doc’s office to call Chris. She finds the place in shambles and when she pulls back the sheet on a nearby gurney, she finds Terry’s body. Karen then goes to make a phone call, but is startled by a noise or something. She backs into the gurney and up jumps Eddie. He makes threat-noises to Karen about how she betrayed him and then starts to transform in front of her. Karen stands there gawking at him till he’s practically totally wolfy and about to pounce, then she throws acid in his face and hauls it out of there.

She runs out to a car and tries to start it before a couple of Colonists grab her and take her over to a big barn. The rest of the Colonists are there and they have Terry’s body splayed out on some kind of altar and it appears they’ve been feeding off her. The doc walks in and Karen runs to him for help, but he gently pushes her away letting her know he’s one of THEM. The Colonists and the doc get into an argument about disposing of Karen. Seems the doc has been trying to teach the Colonists how to fit into society and feed off cattle. Marsha and a few of the others want to go back to being separate and hunting humans for food. Doc tries to make them see it his way, but Marsha claws his face and tells him Karen is theirs for the feeding. Someone else points out that Karen’s high-profile would draw attention to the Colony. So they decide to cover up her and Terry’s deaths with a staged auto accident.

During this time, Chris reaches the Colony. He goes over to doc’s office where he finds the mess. He hears howling and backs up to the door where burn-face Eddie punches through the glass and grabs Chris’ shotgun. Eddie plays a tape of Terry’s death and taunts Chris for coming to “save” Terry. He then gives him back the shotgun and challenges him to take his best shot. He then begins to transform again, but Chris shoots him in the throat and Eddie is surprised to actually be dying from this. Chris then books it out of there over to the barn.

He arrives just in time to confront the other Colonists before they kill Karen. He orders them to let her go and warns them about his silver bullets. The doc advances on him and he shoots and kills him. Next, SomeOtherDude Quist (who is now one handed thanks to Terry) starts at him, but he gets shot and dies much to the surprise of the others. One guy decides to shoot Chris, but Chris gets off his shot first. He forces the others to retreat into the barn where he and Karen lock them in. They (well, HE, since Karen is just a useless ball of tears) pour gasoline around the whole building and set it ablaze. Werewolves howl and whine and die.

They head off down the road out of there, but see that the sheriff has blocked the road up ahead. Karen is at first relieved to see him, but then the sheriff raises his gun and begins firing on their car. Chris manages to shoot him and hustle Karen over to the police car. They hop in but are quickly surrounded by other werewolves. Chris has trouble starting the car at first and one werewolf manages to punch through the back window and bite Karen before she is able to shoot him. When she turns to see the creature, she discovers that it was Bill. She tells Chris they have to warn people and make them believe what they experienced. The werewolves stand in the road and bay at the moon.

Some time later, Karen back at work. Because of her earlier breakdown everyone is fawning over her, but Karen assures them she’s fine. Chris doesn’t want her to go through with it, but she firmly tells them they have to. The news starts and Karen is introduced as doing a special segment about the Quist investigation. She freaks her coworkers out when she starts reciting stuff about the animal in all of us and making everyone believe that isn’t on the teleprompter. They try to cut her off, but Chris orders them to leave it. Karen starts to tremble and shake, then she lets out a loud scream and we see she is beginning to change. We see different people reacting to the broadcast before Chris shoots her and they cut to a commercial. At a local bar a couple of guys debate whether what they saw was real. Another guy comes in and orders a pepper steak for himself and a burger for his ladyfriend who happens to be…Marsha. The End.

Battle Blog: American Werewolf in London vs. TheHowling Pt. 1

So I finally got around to re-viewing my two horror movies yesterday (sadly, I skipped Silver Bullet). I own these (on DVD and VHS in fact) and probably watch each at least once a year (usually about this time). Although I knew I was watching them for different reasons, I probably could have paid closer attention and all that. You will have to forgive me, but I am thiiiiiiiis close to finishing my first ever crocheted sweater, so my concentration was split a little.

As I mentioned earlier, I love both these movies for different reasons. I was pretty young when I saw them both, probably in my preteens, and even though neither kept me awake at night, each had stuff that made me want to leave the lights on just for a little while.

I’ll start with American Werewolf in London (aka AWiL). We begin with two young American college students, David (David “Makin’ It” Naughton) and Jack (Griffin “Sorry, I can’t think of a snarky nickname” Dunne) backpacking through Europe. They have made it to northern England by hitchhiking with a sheepherder. Unsure where to go next they head to a local pub called the Slaughtered Lamb where are not exactly warmly welcomed. After being denied food, they get some tea and listen to a bad joke. Jack notices a pentagram on the wall and decides to ask about it which causes everyone in the room to fall silent. They are then essentially booted out into the night with warnings to stick to the road, steer clear of the moors, and “beware the moon”. As they walk they veer off the road and proceed to get lost on the moors. They decide to try to find the road again, but then they start hearing odd animal howls. They then decide to head back to the Slaughtered Lamb but they discover that whatever is making those noises is circling them. They head in a different direction and Jack trips and falls. When David moves to help him up he’s knocked down by some type of animal which then attacks Jack. David freaks out and bails while Jack screams for help. David snaps out of his fear response and heads back to help his friend, but it’s too late. Jack is all torn up. David is then attacked and bitten before those pub locals show up and shoot the animal down. David looks over and sees a naked bleeding man before he passes out.

David is unconscious for a while, but when he wakes up, he’s surprised to learn that the officials believe he and Jack were attacked by a madman, that the attack was witnessed by two others, and that they aren’t interested in investigating his story any further. David insists it was an animal but his weird dreams and a visit from his dead friend Jack, who urges him to kill himself, make him think he’s going crazy. His story piques the interest of one of the nurses, Jenny and the doctor taking care of him. Jenny develops feelings for him and upon his release, she offers to let him stay at her place. Mmmmm-hmmm. The doctor decides to do a bit of investigating.

He heads out to the pub to question the locals about what happened. He quickly realizes they have lied and one guilt-riddled local warns him that David is in trouble, that he will change and hurt others before another scares him off. Meanwhile, David and Jenny enjoy each other’s company. Afterwards, David gets another visit from an increasingly decaying Jack warning him that he will change and he needs to kill himself before it is too late. He tells Jenny about the visit but she just blows him off and drags him back to bed. The next day, Jenny heads off to work reluctantly leaving David alone at her place. He gets locked out and has to climb back in through the window. He then spends the day restlessly wandering her apartment with no appetite. At nightfall, he suddenly screams, rips off his clothes, and agonizingly turns into a beastie!

He kills a couple on their way to a dinner party, 3 homeless men on a dock, and a young man in the subway. The next day he wakes up naked in the wolves’ cage at the zoo with no memory of the previous night. He steals a coat and heads back to Jenny’s place. She, meanwhile, has been nervously waiting for him. The doctor has called and ordered her to bring David in right away because he’s concerned about him. When he comes back, the couple grabs a taxi to the doctor’s. In the cab David learns of the previous night’s murders. He leaps from the cab and tries to get arrested, sure that he’s responsible for the attacks, but the police take him for a prankster. Jenny tries to get him to go to the doctor’s but he runs away, afraid he’ll hurt her.

He later calls his family before he spots decrepit Jack at a porno theater. He goes in and meets Jack and his other victims. They all try to convince him to kill himself before he kills others, but David’s too afraid. Meanwhile, the doctor is trying to convince police to help him look for David who maybe in trouble. Later, he changes in the theater and attacks other patrons. The police are alerted and the theater is closed off, but the beast burst through and terrorizes the streets of London.

He ultimately gets trapped in an alley where the nurse begs him to let her help. He moves to attack her and is shot dead by police. (Oh, yeah. Spoiler alert.)

To be continued...