I'm meeting with Mr. BlackWife at 11 today.
Update: So I had my meeting with Mr. BlackWife and he seems like a nice enough, sincere guy. We talked for about 30 minutes about what I hope to do here and in the future career-wise. He was very helpful in explaining what they do in DEV and what I could learn there. He also told me how my experiences there could help me make a move to another area (say the courts or the BCA).
Overall, it was a good discussion and it looks like I'll be cross-training beginning in the near future here. I'm really looking forward to it. This job might not be so dead-end after all.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Um, not letting it go
So I just left yet ANOTHER meeting with my boss. She was on the verge of tears and asking me if I want her to resign because she feels so badly about what happened. Egads! This is getting fucking ridiculous.
The good thing is that I got some clarification about what the heck is going on. For example, she let me know that she never told him everything about our conversation. On Friday, she went and told him we had a conversation about my "attitude". That's when he said she shouldn't have told me that. None of the wife stuff was brought up apparently (since he's actually above my boss and she certainly isn't looking to get fired). The conversation they had was just two supervisors discussing advancement potential of an another employee.
It's good to know that he doesn't know about all this. I can kinda go in with a clean slate, but I still need to hold off a day or two to make sure my head is in the right place. Perhaps tomorrow or Thursday I'll try for the sitdown with him.
I have now made it CLEAR to my boss that I have heard the last of her apologies. I told her frankly, it wasn't my place to make her feel better about all this and that I really need to give some time and space to sort this out for myself. She agreed, but encouraged me to go speak to him and utilize him as a valuable resources into other criminal justice opportunities.
I really hope this is the last of this. I feel a little bad because she feels so bad, but I can't deal with her checking on me every 2 or 3 hours giving me the puppy dog eyes of how sorry she is.
Perhaps I will use all this as leverage so we can wear jeans again. And I might just leave a wee bit early today too.
The good thing is that I got some clarification about what the heck is going on. For example, she let me know that she never told him everything about our conversation. On Friday, she went and told him we had a conversation about my "attitude". That's when he said she shouldn't have told me that. None of the wife stuff was brought up apparently (since he's actually above my boss and she certainly isn't looking to get fired). The conversation they had was just two supervisors discussing advancement potential of an another employee.
It's good to know that he doesn't know about all this. I can kinda go in with a clean slate, but I still need to hold off a day or two to make sure my head is in the right place. Perhaps tomorrow or Thursday I'll try for the sitdown with him.
I have now made it CLEAR to my boss that I have heard the last of her apologies. I told her frankly, it wasn't my place to make her feel better about all this and that I really need to give some time and space to sort this out for myself. She agreed, but encouraged me to go speak to him and utilize him as a valuable resources into other criminal justice opportunities.
I really hope this is the last of this. I feel a little bad because she feels so bad, but I can't deal with her checking on me every 2 or 3 hours giving me the puppy dog eyes of how sorry she is.
Perhaps I will use all this as leverage so we can wear jeans again. And I might just leave a wee bit early today too.
Monday, October 05, 2009
I KNOW Black people pt. 2...It's complicated
So remember my little work dilemma from the other day? Well, my boss tried to fix things on Friday and she kinda has made what was a kinda awkward, mildly humorous situation into something extremely uncomfortable.
She came to me on Friday and said I should disregard everything that she said because she shouldn't have told me in the first place. She was referring in particular to that bit about his wife which she explained was personal information she told her in confidence. She said she might have made implications about what he meant by that that weren't his intention. I acknowledged that the information I received was second-hand and therefore, not as reliable. However, I also let her know that she could not unring that bell and that the impression I got (and clearly, she did as well) was that the personal information was given to her as a way to explain why he had a particular impression of me. So frankly, I think it was relevant in our conversation. (AmIright?) And mind you, she did confirm that he did indeed make the statement about his wife. I told her she didn't really need to keep apologizing to me, but I also told her that the situation was now strained and that I wasn't so sure about working with him.
Well, this only made her feel worse, so what does she do? She goes and tells him about the conversations she and I had on Thursday. According to her, he told her that she had no business telling me that bit of personal information and that I should come speak to him. She brought this bit of info to me and that's about when I nearly went off. I was working the counter and biding my time until lunch, so I certainly wasn't about to rush off to have a sit-down with this guy over this. I told I would not be going over to speak to him (that day) because I certainly would have an "attitude", so I planned to take some time and hash this out.
Well, guess who stopped by my cube today? That's right. Mr. BlackWife! He says, "[Your boss] said you were gonna come by to talk to me about a school project." Uh, no, but perhaps someone is confused. I told him I wasn't coming over today, and he gives me a why not look and I'm like, "It's complicated." He just says, "Whenever you're ready," and walks away.
Before I was mostly a little annoyed, dumbstruck, and mildly amused. Now that I think about it I'm pissed. And the anger has definitely shifted from Mr. BlackWife to my supervisor who just keeps digging this trench for all of us to sink into. As much as I'd like to believe I could, there is no way I can meet with this guy without bringing all of this up and getting pissed again. This is now an advancement opportunity that has kinda been fucked FOR me. I didn't even get a chance to screw this up. After Thursday, I figured I'd give myself a week or two to mull everything over and let myself simmer down. Now, I still feel like I'm at a disadvantage if I go see him sooner and yet, I feel like the longer I wait, the worse the situation. Like I'll look like I'm holding a grudge.
I don't like it when I feel someone else has sabotaged an opportunity for me. Granted, this isn't something that was guaranteed, but now I just don't know if this is a reparable situation because it's all wonky.
This is like that episode of Seinfeld when that couple asks Elaine to be a reference for them to adopt a baby and she's all "Oh, sure. I'd love to," but she then totally tanks it for them by talking about the guy's bad side. Yeah, it's a little kinda like that, but slightly less funny.
She came to me on Friday and said I should disregard everything that she said because she shouldn't have told me in the first place. She was referring in particular to that bit about his wife which she explained was personal information she told her in confidence. She said she might have made implications about what he meant by that that weren't his intention. I acknowledged that the information I received was second-hand and therefore, not as reliable. However, I also let her know that she could not unring that bell and that the impression I got (and clearly, she did as well) was that the personal information was given to her as a way to explain why he had a particular impression of me. So frankly, I think it was relevant in our conversation. (AmIright?) And mind you, she did confirm that he did indeed make the statement about his wife. I told her she didn't really need to keep apologizing to me, but I also told her that the situation was now strained and that I wasn't so sure about working with him.
Well, this only made her feel worse, so what does she do? She goes and tells him about the conversations she and I had on Thursday. According to her, he told her that she had no business telling me that bit of personal information and that I should come speak to him. She brought this bit of info to me and that's about when I nearly went off. I was working the counter and biding my time until lunch, so I certainly wasn't about to rush off to have a sit-down with this guy over this. I told I would not be going over to speak to him (that day) because I certainly would have an "attitude", so I planned to take some time and hash this out.
Well, guess who stopped by my cube today? That's right. Mr. BlackWife! He says, "[Your boss] said you were gonna come by to talk to me about a school project." Uh, no, but perhaps someone is confused. I told him I wasn't coming over today, and he gives me a why not look and I'm like, "It's complicated." He just says, "Whenever you're ready," and walks away.
Before I was mostly a little annoyed, dumbstruck, and mildly amused. Now that I think about it I'm pissed. And the anger has definitely shifted from Mr. BlackWife to my supervisor who just keeps digging this trench for all of us to sink into. As much as I'd like to believe I could, there is no way I can meet with this guy without bringing all of this up and getting pissed again. This is now an advancement opportunity that has kinda been fucked FOR me. I didn't even get a chance to screw this up. After Thursday, I figured I'd give myself a week or two to mull everything over and let myself simmer down. Now, I still feel like I'm at a disadvantage if I go see him sooner and yet, I feel like the longer I wait, the worse the situation. Like I'll look like I'm holding a grudge.
I don't like it when I feel someone else has sabotaged an opportunity for me. Granted, this isn't something that was guaranteed, but now I just don't know if this is a reparable situation because it's all wonky.
This is like that episode of Seinfeld when that couple asks Elaine to be a reference for them to adopt a baby and she's all "Oh, sure. I'd love to," but she then totally tanks it for them by talking about the guy's bad side. Yeah, it's a little kinda like that, but slightly less funny.
2009 Year in Review...so far
I have seen A LOT of movies this year. I’ve probably seen more movies in the theater this year than in the last two years combined! And I LIKE IT! I have to give credit to a lot of podcasts which have helped refresh my love and appreciation of the horror genre. Having seen so many flicks this year, I feel the need to take a look back and review the year 2009 so far.
I started the year off all atwitter for the release of My Bloody Valentine 3D in January. While I do like the original, I’m not a giant fan of it, so I wasn’t too annoyed by it being remade. As it turned out, I really liked this movie. Unlike a lot of the recent movies, it’s is not a name-only remake. By taking the film out of small town 80s Canada, they modernized it and added a different element. Many seemed to think this was a fault, but I tend to hate modern remakes which try to recreate the time period of the original film more than ones which go with a current theme and setting. The acting in this one is a bit stiff, particularly from Jaime King and Jensen Ackles. Having seen the latter in Supernatural, I think that’s just his thing, but it’s still kinda lame. The kills were good, serviced by the awesome 3D. In general, it was actually fun to watch. And yeah, I did buy the DVD with its blue/red 3D. It doesn’t look nearly as good, the movie still holds up for me.
The Unborn also came out in January, but I certainly wasn’t gonna see that trash in the theater. I ended up Netflixing it back in August and it was so incredibly forgettable that I’ve pretty much forgotten it. I seem to recall a spooky-eyed kid, but that’s every movie nowadays.
Having enjoyed MBV so much, I was super-excited to go to the theater again (something I have lost interest in as I grow older and more crotchety) to check out the remake of Friday the 13th. This was bolstered when I saw the teaser trailer. But then I saw the theater trailer and my enthusiasm waned a bit. Thumbs up for the nod to the original movie’s trailer, thumbs down for showing off too many jump scares. And then I saw the movie and lordhavemercy was it awful. Convoluted attempts to cover events in the original movie series, bad acting, hateful characters, and “clever Boy Scout” Jason were some of the problems I had with this movie. A lot of reviews claimed this one harkened back to ole skool Friday the 13ths, but not for me. I happen to love the early films in that series, particularly the first 4 (I’d venture to call them the pre-zombie Jason films) and I didn’t find any of those characters as vile or obnoxious as in the remake and Jason had much menace than in this movie. Modern filmmakers seem to think a killer can only be frightening if he’s a hulking mass of muscle. I’d advise these filmmakers to peruse a few true crime blogs to see just what sort of damage average-sized citizens can do.
My wait for DVD choice in February was The Uninvited starring Elizabeth Banks. I rented this one a few months ago and found it surprisingly decent. The plot started out pretty standard, so much so it was almost irritating at points, but then the TWIST happened (and no, I didn’t see that coming) and some of the irritating character ticks made sense. I am sick of twist-within-a-twist movies, but at least it keeps me on my toes.
I stayed away from the Cineplex in March, forgoing hanging out with a bunch of strangers to see young girls get raped. I only recently Netflixed The Last House on the Left and my expectations were kinda low, not just because I hated that trailer with that “Sweet Child o’ Mine” remake, but because I actually do not like the original AND because I was sooooo disappointed by F13. About the original, I must say perhaps I’m just jaded or perhaps it’s the bits of camp thrown in, but it just didn’t have the impact on me that others speak about. I can see where it might have been a bit shocking at the time, but mostly it was just boring and a little over-the-top. This one I found more brutal, but also more relatable. Not only did I feel more of a connection to the girls (and later her parents), but I felt more of an understanding of the criminals in this one. I will admit that the survival of two of the characters was a bit of a cop-out and the end scene was…well, it was random stupid, however, everything prior to that made those fairly minor flaws.
Still feeling some of that F13 dejection (and yes, even now at the end of September I’m STILL bitter about what that film did to me), I hopped on the bandwagon for The Haunting in Connecticut. This did not make me feel better about paying $6 (matinee) for a ticket and almost $10 for soda and popcorn (both small, mind you). I pretty much hated this movie. I have a real issue with movies that are allegedly based on real events that then do some ridiculous stuff that in no way happened in real life. I mean, did the cancer kid in real life (SPOILER!!!) really find dead bodies behind the walls? I doubt it. Also, I guess I never really felt like anyone was actually in danger since this is based on the family’s own account which shouldn’t matter since The Amityville Horror (the original) managed to scare me with a very similar premise. Of course, I was about 8-years-old and studying the Bible with demon-believer Jehovah’s Witnesses when I saw The Amityville Horror. Also, one word: JodyThePigFacedDemon.
I pretty much spent the next few weeks getting caught up on DVD releases. I finally watched Let the Right One In and while I really enjoyed the movie, I certainly didn’t think it was as amazing as the hype made it seem. I’d even argue whether this is even a horror movie, if I were better suited to get into that type of argument. I’m not, so I won’t, but that might affect how I feel about the reverence this film gets in horror circles. Again, it’s good, but it’s not all that.
May brought us Sam Raimi’s “return to horror” Drag Me to Hell. LeSigh. I did not like this movie. As I noted in my post on the movie, I was in Hell at the theater with a quite talky audience. What I might not have mentioned is that I am not as big a fan of the Evil Dead series as others. I liked the first movie and the second is a-ight, but the hijinks of Army of Darkness turn me off. (Not that that stopped me from buying it.) There! I said it. Sue me. Or move on with your life because this really doesn’t affect you.
I’m pretty sure it was during this time that I ramped up my Netflix streaming activities. I managed to watch some gems, including Splinter, Severance, Shiver, and The Signal (lots of S-titles there). I don’t believe I watched all of those in April/May, but whatever! I watched those and I liked ‘em! Also streamed and liked so far this year: Red (not really horror, but it’s based on a Jack Ketchum story and it has Kyle Gallner who is becoming a bit of a horror staple so go with it), Shrooms, Spiral (again with the S’s), Right At Your Door, Grindhouse: Double Feature (FINALLY!), Prom Night (the remake which I *gasp* didn’t hate, although I also *meh* didn’t love it), Blackout, The Host, and The Alphabet Killer. Streamed and not liked: Deadgirl. Not all of these are NEW, but they’re new to me so let it go, mmkay.
And I wasn’t just streaming movies! I also got some stuff in the mails too! I have been a movie-watching fool, yo. I think it’s the lack of fancy cable and my inability to get into any TV shows. So, Things What I Liked: Midnight Meat Train, Donkey Punch, Cold Prey (See it! See it now!), End of the Line, Shuttle, Eden Lake, Rogue, Black Water, Frontiers (ah, the French), and My Name is Bruce. Some of these might have been streamed, but I can barely remember what I did last week, let alone months ago. Besides, does it matter if it streamed or if I got the disc? I didn’t think so. I do know that some, like the awesome Cold Prey, are streaming now so get thee to Netflix.
Now we’ve reached the halfway point in the year. My movie-going activities heat up starting with checking out Orphan in late June/early July (?). This was another surprisingly good flick with a twist I didn’t totally see coming. I mean, I got half the twist, but not the whole twist. I hope we see the young actress who played Esther in more stuff in the future because she really rocked in this. My only complaint it that this suffered from a similar problem I had with The Uninvited: Dolty Dad. Dudes, get a freakin’ clue.
The end of summer saw me at the theater a 5 whole times. I started August with The Perfect Getaway, sort-of who’s the real bad guy vehicle. I came away initially not all that pleased with this one, but in retrospect, I think I really liked it. At least, I’d watch it again, which is a good measure of a film in my book.
As you may recall, in late August I created my own double feature by seeing Rob Zombie’s H2 and The Final Destination (in 3D) on the same day…at two different theaters. The Final Destination (viewed at MOA) was only okay. The 3D was weak and the story and acting were terrible. And then there was H2. Even now, one month later the overwhelming reaction I have to this movie is disappointment. Rob really missed the boat on this. As I stated before, somewhere in the hot mess that was shat on screen was a good movie (or maybe two). Rob just didn’t know how to execute it.
Finally, we have reached September with the remakening Sorority Row. This movie was a big vat of meh. I kinda just didn’t care. Also, last weekend I checked out Pandorum and I didn’t really like it. However, I think I have to see it again because I might have not gotten it upon first viewing. I might see it again in a cheap theater (which wouldn’t be too painful since it starts the luscious Ben Foster…purrrrrrrr).
So that’s what I’ve been up to movie-wise for the past 9 months…and there’s more to come. This weekend brought the opening of Zombieland which I’m mildly-excited about (only mildly because I’m just not crazy about horror comedy). And there’s a couple of more genre flicks before we reach the Oscar-bait Only part of the movies season. So I’m looking forward to check out more stuff. I haven’t lurved everything, but I’ve been happy seeing flicks on the big screen again. So yeah, there's that.
I started the year off all atwitter for the release of My Bloody Valentine 3D in January. While I do like the original, I’m not a giant fan of it, so I wasn’t too annoyed by it being remade. As it turned out, I really liked this movie. Unlike a lot of the recent movies, it’s is not a name-only remake. By taking the film out of small town 80s Canada, they modernized it and added a different element. Many seemed to think this was a fault, but I tend to hate modern remakes which try to recreate the time period of the original film more than ones which go with a current theme and setting. The acting in this one is a bit stiff, particularly from Jaime King and Jensen Ackles. Having seen the latter in Supernatural, I think that’s just his thing, but it’s still kinda lame. The kills were good, serviced by the awesome 3D. In general, it was actually fun to watch. And yeah, I did buy the DVD with its blue/red 3D. It doesn’t look nearly as good, the movie still holds up for me.
The Unborn also came out in January, but I certainly wasn’t gonna see that trash in the theater. I ended up Netflixing it back in August and it was so incredibly forgettable that I’ve pretty much forgotten it. I seem to recall a spooky-eyed kid, but that’s every movie nowadays.
Having enjoyed MBV so much, I was super-excited to go to the theater again (something I have lost interest in as I grow older and more crotchety) to check out the remake of Friday the 13th. This was bolstered when I saw the teaser trailer. But then I saw the theater trailer and my enthusiasm waned a bit. Thumbs up for the nod to the original movie’s trailer, thumbs down for showing off too many jump scares. And then I saw the movie and lordhavemercy was it awful. Convoluted attempts to cover events in the original movie series, bad acting, hateful characters, and “clever Boy Scout” Jason were some of the problems I had with this movie. A lot of reviews claimed this one harkened back to ole skool Friday the 13ths, but not for me. I happen to love the early films in that series, particularly the first 4 (I’d venture to call them the pre-zombie Jason films) and I didn’t find any of those characters as vile or obnoxious as in the remake and Jason had much menace than in this movie. Modern filmmakers seem to think a killer can only be frightening if he’s a hulking mass of muscle. I’d advise these filmmakers to peruse a few true crime blogs to see just what sort of damage average-sized citizens can do.
My wait for DVD choice in February was The Uninvited starring Elizabeth Banks. I rented this one a few months ago and found it surprisingly decent. The plot started out pretty standard, so much so it was almost irritating at points, but then the TWIST happened (and no, I didn’t see that coming) and some of the irritating character ticks made sense. I am sick of twist-within-a-twist movies, but at least it keeps me on my toes.
I stayed away from the Cineplex in March, forgoing hanging out with a bunch of strangers to see young girls get raped. I only recently Netflixed The Last House on the Left and my expectations were kinda low, not just because I hated that trailer with that “Sweet Child o’ Mine” remake, but because I actually do not like the original AND because I was sooooo disappointed by F13. About the original, I must say perhaps I’m just jaded or perhaps it’s the bits of camp thrown in, but it just didn’t have the impact on me that others speak about. I can see where it might have been a bit shocking at the time, but mostly it was just boring and a little over-the-top. This one I found more brutal, but also more relatable. Not only did I feel more of a connection to the girls (and later her parents), but I felt more of an understanding of the criminals in this one. I will admit that the survival of two of the characters was a bit of a cop-out and the end scene was…well, it was random stupid, however, everything prior to that made those fairly minor flaws.
Still feeling some of that F13 dejection (and yes, even now at the end of September I’m STILL bitter about what that film did to me), I hopped on the bandwagon for The Haunting in Connecticut. This did not make me feel better about paying $6 (matinee) for a ticket and almost $10 for soda and popcorn (both small, mind you). I pretty much hated this movie. I have a real issue with movies that are allegedly based on real events that then do some ridiculous stuff that in no way happened in real life. I mean, did the cancer kid in real life (SPOILER!!!) really find dead bodies behind the walls? I doubt it. Also, I guess I never really felt like anyone was actually in danger since this is based on the family’s own account which shouldn’t matter since The Amityville Horror (the original) managed to scare me with a very similar premise. Of course, I was about 8-years-old and studying the Bible with demon-believer Jehovah’s Witnesses when I saw The Amityville Horror. Also, one word: JodyThePigFacedDemon.
I pretty much spent the next few weeks getting caught up on DVD releases. I finally watched Let the Right One In and while I really enjoyed the movie, I certainly didn’t think it was as amazing as the hype made it seem. I’d even argue whether this is even a horror movie, if I were better suited to get into that type of argument. I’m not, so I won’t, but that might affect how I feel about the reverence this film gets in horror circles. Again, it’s good, but it’s not all that.
May brought us Sam Raimi’s “return to horror” Drag Me to Hell. LeSigh. I did not like this movie. As I noted in my post on the movie, I was in Hell at the theater with a quite talky audience. What I might not have mentioned is that I am not as big a fan of the Evil Dead series as others. I liked the first movie and the second is a-ight, but the hijinks of Army of Darkness turn me off. (Not that that stopped me from buying it.) There! I said it. Sue me. Or move on with your life because this really doesn’t affect you.
I’m pretty sure it was during this time that I ramped up my Netflix streaming activities. I managed to watch some gems, including Splinter, Severance, Shiver, and The Signal (lots of S-titles there). I don’t believe I watched all of those in April/May, but whatever! I watched those and I liked ‘em! Also streamed and liked so far this year: Red (not really horror, but it’s based on a Jack Ketchum story and it has Kyle Gallner who is becoming a bit of a horror staple so go with it), Shrooms, Spiral (again with the S’s), Right At Your Door, Grindhouse: Double Feature (FINALLY!), Prom Night (the remake which I *gasp* didn’t hate, although I also *meh* didn’t love it), Blackout, The Host, and The Alphabet Killer. Streamed and not liked: Deadgirl. Not all of these are NEW, but they’re new to me so let it go, mmkay.
And I wasn’t just streaming movies! I also got some stuff in the mails too! I have been a movie-watching fool, yo. I think it’s the lack of fancy cable and my inability to get into any TV shows. So, Things What I Liked: Midnight Meat Train, Donkey Punch, Cold Prey (See it! See it now!), End of the Line, Shuttle, Eden Lake, Rogue, Black Water, Frontiers (ah, the French), and My Name is Bruce. Some of these might have been streamed, but I can barely remember what I did last week, let alone months ago. Besides, does it matter if it streamed or if I got the disc? I didn’t think so. I do know that some, like the awesome Cold Prey, are streaming now so get thee to Netflix.
Now we’ve reached the halfway point in the year. My movie-going activities heat up starting with checking out Orphan in late June/early July (?). This was another surprisingly good flick with a twist I didn’t totally see coming. I mean, I got half the twist, but not the whole twist. I hope we see the young actress who played Esther in more stuff in the future because she really rocked in this. My only complaint it that this suffered from a similar problem I had with The Uninvited: Dolty Dad. Dudes, get a freakin’ clue.
The end of summer saw me at the theater a 5 whole times. I started August with The Perfect Getaway, sort-of who’s the real bad guy vehicle. I came away initially not all that pleased with this one, but in retrospect, I think I really liked it. At least, I’d watch it again, which is a good measure of a film in my book.
As you may recall, in late August I created my own double feature by seeing Rob Zombie’s H2 and The Final Destination (in 3D) on the same day…at two different theaters. The Final Destination (viewed at MOA) was only okay. The 3D was weak and the story and acting were terrible. And then there was H2. Even now, one month later the overwhelming reaction I have to this movie is disappointment. Rob really missed the boat on this. As I stated before, somewhere in the hot mess that was shat on screen was a good movie (or maybe two). Rob just didn’t know how to execute it.
Finally, we have reached September with the remakening Sorority Row. This movie was a big vat of meh. I kinda just didn’t care. Also, last weekend I checked out Pandorum and I didn’t really like it. However, I think I have to see it again because I might have not gotten it upon first viewing. I might see it again in a cheap theater (which wouldn’t be too painful since it starts the luscious Ben Foster…purrrrrrrr).
So that’s what I’ve been up to movie-wise for the past 9 months…and there’s more to come. This weekend brought the opening of Zombieland which I’m mildly-excited about (only mildly because I’m just not crazy about horror comedy). And there’s a couple of more genre flicks before we reach the Oscar-bait Only part of the movies season. So I’m looking forward to check out more stuff. I haven’t lurved everything, but I’ve been happy seeing flicks on the big screen again. So yeah, there's that.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
I KNOW Black people
So this happened.
This afternoon my supervisor pulled me into a meeting. Backing up, a few weeks ago I had my annual review (1 1/2 months late, but whatevs...pay-freeze means no raise, so I wasn't missing out on anything except her telling me how awesome I am). In that review, she explained that she can see that while I'm good at my job, it isn't very challenging for me and she can sense that I am getting bored. She clarified that she doesn't want to lose me in our unit, but that she also sees potential for me to grow. Knowing my interest in criminal justice, she suggested that over the next year I might do some cross-training with our Driver Evaluations unit which deals with the more criminal aspects of Driver and Vehicle Services (suspensions, revocations, DUIs, and the like). She told me that she would speak to that unit's manager about me and see what he thinks of the idea.
Flashforward to today. In our meeting she told me that she spoke to him about me and the cross-training thing. She said she sang my praises and told him about my educational pursuits. Apparently, this guy also got his education through Metro studying criminal justice and psychology, so his interest was peaked. Except for one thing: he thinks---wait for it---I have an ATTITUDE problem! My super explained that I am a take-no-guff no-time-to-stop-and-chitchat sorta person, but I'm also very funny, very friendly (when you get to know me), and most important, very good at my job and with dealing with customers. His response was that he is married to a Black woman so he knows about attitude and he thinks there's "something else going on". He used examples such as I barely acknowledge him when I pass him in the hallways or I don't make eye contact with him when I see him. He told her that he is intrigued and to tell me if I really am interested I need to show it by approaching him. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled at the end of our meeting (but I love my boss, so we walked out laughing), but I told her I would definitely think about it. I also told her I was totally gonna tell my friends about his "I have a Black wife" comment because that's how I roll.
Well, I've been mulling this over since walking out of that meeting room. I've been trying to decide if I'm crazy to be a little offended by this. This isn't me mulling over a potential lawsuit or anything, but I'm just really pissed. What the hell does his marriage have to do with anything? He knows a Black woman so he can make stereotypical generalizations about all of us? Oh, you know Black women and their attitudes. I've been dealing with this shit all of my life and it gets really tiring. I know I can be a frosty bitch some days and I do have a tough time hiding it, but so often the complaints are things that I suspect are an issue BECAUSE people hold this stereotype about Black women. People have bad days, dammit. It's not a Black thing; it's a freakin' human thing. I walk by plenty of people everyday at work who don't make eye contact or attempt to say hello. I don't assume they're all racist. And that's a lie by the way because I've totally given this dude the 'how's it going' headnod. Am I supposed to do a fucking cartwheel when I see him? (My boss jokingly suggested I grab his balls and bark hello inches from his face. You see why I love her?)
I expressed this to my boss who became worried that she maybe shouldn't have told me that part, but as I see it, she had every reason/right to tell me as his assessment of me as a person (who happens to be a Black woman) are based on the "knowledge" he's gained about Black people through his marriage. HE TOLD HER AS MUCH! So she's not in the wrong.
Now, the opportunity to work in DEV would be great. Boredom isn't the only reason I spent much of the morning reading DUI statutes. This is something I would like to examine more. As remarkable as it may sound, I really like dealing with customers. Hell, I spent almost an hour on the phone explaining records to a customer earlier today. More than a few times I've gone out of my job's way to Google a statute to explain something a customer didn't quite understand. I've even calmed down irate customers a few times. ME!!! Ms. Attitude.
However, I don't know how comfortable I feel about approaching him. This is further bolstered by comments my boss attributed to him which make it sound like he wants to study me like a lab rat. She used words like "fascinated" and "intrigued" and "interested". Since this was her recounting her conversation with him I can't really put them into context, but it kinda skeeves me out to think someone (a potential boss) is looking at me like "I want to get to the root of her being." The way I explained it to my boss, it isn't in his fucking job description to analyze me (and this was an informal meeting and my boss pretty much adores me, so I actually did drop that f-bomb on her which just made her laugh). Assess me to see if I'm suited to the job, yes. Play Oprah and get to the root of my "attitude problem', not so much.
So I think I'm gonna go to my supervisor again and ask her how much of what I learned about their conversatio I am free to bring up to him IF I decide to pursue this opportunity. But help me out here, friends. Am I being overly-sensitive here? If I meet with him, should I bring this up? I'd really just like to hear him clarify what he meant by that statement and how (the hell) he feels that has anything to do with whether I should cross-train with DEV. So I'm asking for feedback. Honesty is appreciated, so tell me what you really think.
This afternoon my supervisor pulled me into a meeting. Backing up, a few weeks ago I had my annual review (1 1/2 months late, but whatevs...pay-freeze means no raise, so I wasn't missing out on anything except her telling me how awesome I am). In that review, she explained that she can see that while I'm good at my job, it isn't very challenging for me and she can sense that I am getting bored. She clarified that she doesn't want to lose me in our unit, but that she also sees potential for me to grow. Knowing my interest in criminal justice, she suggested that over the next year I might do some cross-training with our Driver Evaluations unit which deals with the more criminal aspects of Driver and Vehicle Services (suspensions, revocations, DUIs, and the like). She told me that she would speak to that unit's manager about me and see what he thinks of the idea.
Flashforward to today. In our meeting she told me that she spoke to him about me and the cross-training thing. She said she sang my praises and told him about my educational pursuits. Apparently, this guy also got his education through Metro studying criminal justice and psychology, so his interest was peaked. Except for one thing: he thinks---wait for it---I have an ATTITUDE problem! My super explained that I am a take-no-guff no-time-to-stop-and-chitchat sorta person, but I'm also very funny, very friendly (when you get to know me), and most important, very good at my job and with dealing with customers. His response was that he is married to a Black woman so he knows about attitude and he thinks there's "something else going on". He used examples such as I barely acknowledge him when I pass him in the hallways or I don't make eye contact with him when I see him. He told her that he is intrigued and to tell me if I really am interested I need to show it by approaching him. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled at the end of our meeting (but I love my boss, so we walked out laughing), but I told her I would definitely think about it. I also told her I was totally gonna tell my friends about his "I have a Black wife" comment because that's how I roll.
Well, I've been mulling this over since walking out of that meeting room. I've been trying to decide if I'm crazy to be a little offended by this. This isn't me mulling over a potential lawsuit or anything, but I'm just really pissed. What the hell does his marriage have to do with anything? He knows a Black woman so he can make stereotypical generalizations about all of us? Oh, you know Black women and their attitudes. I've been dealing with this shit all of my life and it gets really tiring. I know I can be a frosty bitch some days and I do have a tough time hiding it, but so often the complaints are things that I suspect are an issue BECAUSE people hold this stereotype about Black women. People have bad days, dammit. It's not a Black thing; it's a freakin' human thing. I walk by plenty of people everyday at work who don't make eye contact or attempt to say hello. I don't assume they're all racist. And that's a lie by the way because I've totally given this dude the 'how's it going' headnod. Am I supposed to do a fucking cartwheel when I see him? (My boss jokingly suggested I grab his balls and bark hello inches from his face. You see why I love her?)
I expressed this to my boss who became worried that she maybe shouldn't have told me that part, but as I see it, she had every reason/right to tell me as his assessment of me as a person (who happens to be a Black woman) are based on the "knowledge" he's gained about Black people through his marriage. HE TOLD HER AS MUCH! So she's not in the wrong.
Now, the opportunity to work in DEV would be great. Boredom isn't the only reason I spent much of the morning reading DUI statutes. This is something I would like to examine more. As remarkable as it may sound, I really like dealing with customers. Hell, I spent almost an hour on the phone explaining records to a customer earlier today. More than a few times I've gone out of my job's way to Google a statute to explain something a customer didn't quite understand. I've even calmed down irate customers a few times. ME!!! Ms. Attitude.
However, I don't know how comfortable I feel about approaching him. This is further bolstered by comments my boss attributed to him which make it sound like he wants to study me like a lab rat. She used words like "fascinated" and "intrigued" and "interested". Since this was her recounting her conversation with him I can't really put them into context, but it kinda skeeves me out to think someone (a potential boss) is looking at me like "I want to get to the root of her being." The way I explained it to my boss, it isn't in his fucking job description to analyze me (and this was an informal meeting and my boss pretty much adores me, so I actually did drop that f-bomb on her which just made her laugh). Assess me to see if I'm suited to the job, yes. Play Oprah and get to the root of my "attitude problem', not so much.
So I think I'm gonna go to my supervisor again and ask her how much of what I learned about their conversatio I am free to bring up to him IF I decide to pursue this opportunity. But help me out here, friends. Am I being overly-sensitive here? If I meet with him, should I bring this up? I'd really just like to hear him clarify what he meant by that statement and how (the hell) he feels that has anything to do with whether I should cross-train with DEV. So I'm asking for feedback. Honesty is appreciated, so tell me what you really think.
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