Leave it to the experts

I took my braids out the weekend before last and of course my hair was a hot-mess. Split ends, breakage, the works. I really need a haircut, but I'm too poor for that. Instead I washed it and tried to go with the 'fro for a few days, but my 'fro was unpredictable. I wouldn't know from one day to the next whether it would be short and sassy or wild and woolly. I figured I could "control" it a bit better by texturizing it. So I picked up one of those kits this weekend. The little girls on the box (I used a kiddie kind in the hopes of limiting the amount of damage done) looked so cute with loose tendrally curls. I didn't expect that since it was quit clear the young models had a different grade of hair than I, but I still though it would be better than what I had going on.

So I read the instructions and played Mad Scientist, mixing chemicals and measuring stuff. They estimated application time to be about 8 - 9 minutes and smoothing time about 5-7 minutes, so I set my timer and got to work. I think I was under the 8 minutes with the application. One isn't really supposed to "smooth" since that would straighten the hair too much (because really, the texturizer is basically a slightly weaker version of a relaxer kit), so I just sort of worked it through my hair with my fingers then hopped in the shower for the rinse. I still had 4 minutes left on the timer even.

Things were good when I left the shower and towel-dried my hair. I have a plethora of styling products , so I thought I'd try a bit of leave-in conditioner and some Be Curly (of which I have a free tube thankyouverymuch, Rebecca). Well, that is where things went downhill. There was very little curl happening. I had wavy-straight sections on the side with semi-curly sections in the back and practically stick-straight stuff in the front. It was a bad scene, man.

I could sorta work it into a semblance of an unkempt 'fro so I did that for a day. Last night, I decided that since I had basically relaxed my hair I'd try to work with it. I hot-combed it sorta straight then put curlers in. The results: could have been better. Needless to say, I am shopping for my next hairstyle purchase now. Shall I go with braids again? I like my braids, but I am kind of bored with that style and I might be a bit too old for it as well. I thought about going with the cornrows again since they are cheap and take less time to put in, but I don't know if the breakage in the front of my head can take 'em. I could go crazy again and try another weave, but those can be really static. I like to be able to pull my hair off of my neck and face, especially in the summer and with the kind of weave I can afford, I wouldn't be able to do that and hide the tracks at the same time. Ugh!

I kind of wish I had never made that first 'big-girl' trip to the beauty shop.

Down the tubes

You know, I really used to love Television Without Pity. Many a work project was delayed because I just had to read this-or-that episode recap. I could spend hours trolling the site and reading the forums.

Alas, no more. The site was sold to Bravo about a year ago. While before the site mainly focused on 1-hour dramas of varying calibers. Post-Bravo (an NBC-owned network) the site add a bunch of sitcoms and not-so-recapable shows. Then a ton of other content and all the graphics were changed and it looks like a hot mess. Making matters worse, a few months ago the founders, Sars and Wing Chun left and since then several other regular recappers have bailed. Going corporate is just never good.

I still check out the site for the occasional L&O recap, but I could not care less about My Name is Earl. I really wish they would pare down the shows they cover and focus on putting out good recaps again (because even the quality of the 'caps isn't that great anymore).

At least, I still have the archives (for now).

Ted Kennedy & the Madonna issue

Another victim of the Kennedy curse? Not so fast, Yahoo! While you feel the inexplicable need to recount all the previous Kennedy deaths, you fail to note one thing: Ted's illness is not exactly untimely. The man is 76 and a tumor is a sorta "natural" cause. It's kinda stretching things to try to link this with the deaths of his brothers.

So I was tooling around Jezebel yesterday when I came across this blog which links to a very scary article about purity balls. That sounds dirty, and really it is when you think about it. Jezzie's Dodai does a fine job of expressing the indignation and repugnance that we should all feel at this, but I gots my own piece to add.

There is something inherently wrong about a father being so invested in his daughter's sexual behavior that he would get all dressed up, drag her to a prom-like event, and then expect her to promise not to have sex on his behalf. Ew ew ew ew ewwwwww! Wouldn't the smarter thing be to ensure that one has a close enough relationship with his daughter, that she is comfortable talking to him about her feelings and concerns about boys/men and relationships. I mean, I know that some people probably don't think a girl should actually be talking to her dad about that sort of thing, but I'd like to believe that not all daddy/daughter relationships are evil.

Also, instead of demanding pledges and vows of chastity, how about Dad encourages his girl to be selective in her partnering , but also comfortable with herself and confident about her decision-making? Dads also might want to consider taking their boys out and making sure they learn the proper way to treat women and that they aren't rapist psychos with Madonna/whore complexes.

The blog also links to another article about second-generation virginity. This is the concept whereby big fat whorebags can wipe out their extensive sexual history by spiritually (or in some cases, medically) renewing their hymen. It really says something about a society where people are made to feel so badly about their sexuality that they would go to these extremes to remake themselves. Maybe it's just the circle I run with, but I honestly would be freaked out if I met some guy at my age who was all like, "You've never been married and you're not a virgin." And I'd probably poke him in the eye with a crochet hook if he expected me to pretend I was for his fragile (demented) psyche.

I read both of these articles (1) after having a conversation with Rebecca about the purity party thing and (2) after watching Teeth this weekend. Have you seen it? It is the awesummme. You may have heard a wee bit of buzz about it last year. Well, I'll give you the two word premise: vagina dentata. Now, go rent it! Go! Now!

Ripped that sh*t up

If you happened to see last night's Law & Order, you might be scratching your head and wondering where they came up with a crazy story like that. If you didn't, that crazy story involved some skeezy old bat seducing dudes (who were pretending to be hot soldiers) online into giving her money and killing people by pretending to be her daughter. Well, if you are a crime junkie (and reader of Jezebel) like me, you might have read this story. Dick Wolf did.

I watched the SVU season finale on Tuesday and man, what a hot mess that was. First of all, how are you going to have the season ending episode be all Chester-riffic. Chester sucks and I'm glad his sorry over-bitten ass won't be back. Secondly, I still wanted Casey to get killed, but I'll take a good old fashioned firing any time. Except her firing was kinda like Serena's. Casey has been a sucky lawyer since she joined the show, so the idea that she would get fired for this seems a little too late. Thirdly, Fin can't leave. He can't, especially since he became my hero by telling Elliot's punkass off. Man, he has had that coming from everyone in that squad room for ages! So much out of character shit went down. Since when is Elliot all ready to put a cop in jail? Did he and Chester have some kind of falling out we missed?

Really, I am just really glad that Chester and Casey are gone. Now who will they get to replace them? Hmm.

I'm too good for you

Curses! Once again another candidate was selected for that Hennepin County spot I interviewed for a few weeks ago. I suspect (not bragging) that I was over-qualified for the position.

Meanwhile, I’m still at the DMV and kinda enjoying it. It’s been almost a year and I have learned quite a bit about traffic law in Minnesota, so perhaps it’s sorta related to that schooling I got. For now, I’m a bit burned out on sending out resumes and going to interviews. (I have also been looking for a PT job to supplement my income.) I think I will slow it down a bit and maybe do a bit more soul-searching (and research) into what I want to do when I grow up somemore. I have new inspiration, my niece graduated from Indiana University last week. She beat me to the first in our (immediate) family to graduate from college distinction and I’m not one bit upset about it.

I saw some of the pictures from the ceremony on her website. I wish I could have been there with my bro and sis and our favorite aunt and of course my Baby. I could have met this Smoke B character she is claiming to be engaged to since it appears he also graduated. But just being there would have been nice. Or would it have? Going home always makes me feel like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. My vacations are not relaxing in the least and Gary is the only damn place I ever go which is pathetic and sad even if I am going to see my Babies.

I have been avoiding calling my sister for months now. Partly because I just don't have any good news, but also because she doesn't either. She's a bitcher and I got my own problems and you know what? The phone? It rings both ways. For years, I was The One with Money. Well, not anymore. I am single and I have no children, but that doesn't mean I am money-problem free. I can't visit all the time and I can't always be the one to call. Hell, I don't even get a birthday card half the time. It's like if I don't send one then they don't send one. But whatever. I'm not gonna sweat it. I'll call someday when I'm good and ready to deal with the family again.

Meanwhile, I went to Scott&Laura's reception at her parents' house in Minnetonka on Saturday. It was so great to see them and I'm really happy for them. They continue to be my favorite couple. That's probably because I was there from the beginning really. Yeah, D and I totally take some credit for that. We also got to meet Andy and Nicole's newest addition, Lila Rae. Only 6 days old. So tiny and precious. There were babies all over. I think Laura and Scott are about the only one's in her family who don't have a kid or two. Even her little sister has a baby boy now.

Later, we all went down to Grumpy's to shoot the breeze and it was sorta like olden times (except Rebecca was drinking with us and not acting as our waitress). I'm so happy I got to go. It's so crazy that all those guys are married now and one of them has a baby. Well, technically two of them are fathers since D has Lav. Who is my current favorite pre-teen, although she is going to be 13 in a few weeks.

In other news, got my tiny bit o' Bush money so I am trying to avoid doing the DD advance thing so I can get back on track financially. Those freakin' things cost me $100 a month. That's a credit card payment right there. I paid just about everybody I own (except HSBC) and I got my Netflix going again because dammit I want it. I did splurge a wee bit. Instead of just giving Scott&Laura the hats I made for them, I bought them Ikea ice cube trays. A whole $10. And Bean and I did hit the Lobster Friday night, but that's just cuz Friday at work was completely and totally insane. L left early with labor pains (she had her baby boy Saturday morning). J and V-male were out and V-female came in almost an hour late and then left early. B was at the counter, M was on the phones, and I was backing up whomever wherever. It was just nutty and I really needed that frosted strawberry margharita (although, I didn't need to spill it all over the sleeve of my *white* Cop Mullet sweatshirt. Boo!).

And finally, speaking of Netflix. I instant-watched this documentary on Fred Phelps and his crazy-ass family. You know what I really hate about that whole thing? That fact that people only got REALLY mad about Phelps's protests and antics when he started showing up at soldier's funerals. Everyone pretty much just shook their heads at that old crazy wacko when he and his hateful family were showing up at the funerals of AIDS victims or homosexuals murdered in violent attacks. Nobody was introducing bills to stop them until then. I hate hypocrites.

Good News, Bad News

Good news: I've managed to lose most of the weight I gained when I (briefly) quit smoking lo those 2 years ago. I'm bringing sexy back.

Bad news: I lost said-weight using the "I'm-Totally-Broke-Stressed-and-Eating-for-Shit" diet. Being "thin" and being fit are two very different animals.

Good news: I can fit into some of my pre-quit clothes again, thus expanding my wardrobe. I was pretty well on the road to unable-to-shop-like-I-used-to when I gained the weight so I didn't have a whole whole bunch of stuff in my quit-size.

Bad news: I seem to have lost more than just the quit-weight as some of my pre-quit clothes are pretty hangy. I can't afford to buy hot new clothes. Besides, spring and summer are NOT my times to shop. Everything is either short, strappy, or flesh-baring and usually a combination of all three. I mean, try to buy a decent pair of chunky shoes after March. Unless, by chunky you want "stripper", you are SOL.

Other stuff:
Yesterday on KDWB, a couple of the morning jocks read letters they'd written to their moms in observance of Mothers' Day. This morning they had listeners do the same. The letters were very sweet and made me think of a letter I had written to my mom about a year before she died. I never mailed it because I was extremely self-conscious about it and how it would make her feel. Our family isn't a sappy, open-your-heart type. We like to keep our shit bottled up like Cherry Coke until something comes along to shake things up and cause a scary-ass explosion. Anyway, because of this history of repression, I never sent it. I have to admit I kind of regret that. I really wish I had told her all the things I said in that letter.

Now, unbelievably I can't find it. Granted, I only looked in one place which was the place I thought I had put it. (I do still have the letter I wrote to my little brother after he died. It was actually a journal entry that I decided to read in front of God and everyone at his memorial service. No regrets on that one.) It is likely somewhere amongst my many old journals. I need to find it. We are approaching the 10th "anniversary" of her passing (August 8) and I think reading that again and sharing it will make it a little easier.

Stupid commercial rant Pt 2

Yet another Liberty Mutual commercial is bugging me. In this one, a older gentleman shuffles over to answer his ringing phone. On the other end we hear a youthful voice ask if this is Walter. The old man says yes. The young man then says he thinks he's found something that belongs to him. Walter asks what and the young man says, kinda condescendingly, "Sir, if you look out your window I can show you." Walter shuffles over to his window and looks down to see a smug-faced young man waving a wallet over his head. The LM announcer then kicks in with all that nonsense about responsibility and doing the right thing.

Questions: how did this punk know Walter had a front-facing apartment in that high rise? What if Walter 's big window was on the side (like mine) or in back? That kid would have looked like a damn fool if Walter had said, "All I see is the dump." And why didn't he just say, "Sir, I found your wallet and I came to return it to you" instead acting all self-satisfied with himself for driving over to personally return it to him. I mean, it's very nice of him, but it is less 'I'm so awesome' about it. For that matter, why didn't he mail it to him? I've found IDs before and put them in an envelope and mailed them to the person missing it because that's decent. Perhaps he wasn't doing the right thing as much as "hoping for a little reward."

Over the line?

Some time ago (and many times now subsequently) E! ran a program called Going Postal: 15 Most Shocking Acts of Violence. The show counts down 15 horrific mass killings in U.S. history complete with file footage (some of it quite grisly) and survivor stories as well as attorney and psychologist commentary.

A commentary on one of the websites I frequent barked about how inappropriate and tacky and tasteless this type of programming is. I totally disagree. We can pretend to be all above it when it comes to entertainment shows using real-life stories to fill their schedules, but Law & Order and CSI aren't popular for nothing. Both shows take true stories (traumatic events in the lives of real people) and twist them and turn them (so's to avoid lawsuits) for entertainment purposes. On occasion, they don't even wait for the body to get cold before whipping up their own version of events. (Sidenote: Does anyone besides me remember Rescue 911--a CBS show on during the family hour in which survivors of horrible incidents reenacted their own traumatic experience for entertainment purposes? "Yeah, we want you to relive that experience of being stung over 100 time by a hive of bees." That's healthy.)

Let's face it: ain't nobody looking at E! to get educated. I hope.

I want to get all high-horsey about this, but being a true crime junkie I can't really. I am excited that the slow summer programming makes way for extra episodes of Dateline and 48 Hours Mysteries (even though they're often reruns). Were it not for shows like this, I'd probably be reading more or something lame like that, and what fun would that be? (Well, I'd probably be reading something true crime anyway...like the book I just finished about a jet-setting Austrian serial killer. Also, I heart Ann Rule!) We can balk at the notion of violence being entertaining, but that doesn't change the fact that we are drawn to them.