What did you say against a woman?

Okay, earlier today Jezebel posted a story about a guy who murdered a woman on the Wesleyan campus. The headline read(s): Women’s Rights Advocate Murdered at Wesleyan. Now, anyone looking at that might assume that this woman was killed because of her activities in advocating for women’s rights. Turns out, that is simply a descriptor for the victim. No biggy. The post then goes on to discuss how this guy is still (as of this post) on the loose and to print newspaper speculations about why this man killed her as well as reflections from friends of the victim. No problem’s really so far (except that semi-inflammatory headline, but I’ll get to that).

The problems start with a post asked the “Men of the World” not to pick up a gun and kill when a break-up happens. I mentioned that after seeing Dear Zachary (and knowing about other violent acts committed by women the name of love), the commenter might want to broaden that to the “People of the World”. Whoops! What was I thinking? Suddenly I (and another commenter who also pointed out that violence isn’t merely the domain of men) were under attack for belittling domestic violence and violence against women; victim blaming, and hating women. Statistics were thrown at us and sarcastic comments “thanking” us for pointing out that women commit violent acts too.

Okay, here’s my issue. Jezebel commentors were quick to make this an issue about domestic violence. Granted, a NYDN article gave that impression, but even after it was pointed out that this was not the issue, some still insisted on arguing about whether or not it’s appropriate to talk about women’s violent actions when men hurt women. For me, the original comment implied that all men have the potential for this kind of violence and that men are the only ones who do. Someone actually said that bringing up women’s acts of domestic abuse is used by people who “hate women” and that it’s a form of “victim blaming”.

And then I got completely baffled because Jezebel later posted an article about a woman who thought she’d teach her misbehaving daughters a lesson by leaving them on the side of the road for a bit. Depending on which account you believe one of the kids was able to run to the car and hop back in while the other was left there and later found by a stranger who called police; or Mom drove around the block and came back to find the kids gone. She found one, but had to call the cops to help find the other.

The number of commentors saying “This is no big deal” and “Cut this woman some slack” is astounding. I’m avoiding even posting my own feelings because I don’t want to be accused of trolling or flaming or whatever it is people who disagree with Jezebel posters are generally accused of so I'll say it here. Would these same people feel the same if this had been done by the father? When others say, “They could have been hit by a car or taken by a stranger” the response is “Well, they weren’t so whatever”. Others talk about how kids catch buses by themselves and claim the kids are old enough to know not to talk to strangers. I missed the part where the mother dropped the kids off at a bus stop with fare and said “Find your own way home” and again, depending on which account you believe, one kid DID talk to a stranger who luckily was one of the good guys. Others say we are too protective now. I’m not of the “that’ll learn ‘im” school of raising children. Yeah, many lessons are learned after the fact, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to teach a kid why smoking’s bad by making her/him smoke a whole pack and I don’t believe that a kid learns to behave by being dumped in the middle of town.

And no I don’t have kids and haven’t had to raise kids and I know that they can be a real pain in the ass and that parents can barely discipline their child without SOME busybody saying they are doing things wrong. I think my ultimate gripe here is the implication that MOTHERS shouldn’t be criticized for “losing it” a little and “making bad decisions” because “kids are tough”. Women can make shitty parenting decisions just like men can. You get no slack from me just because you were the one to carry around or because it is assumed that you are the primary caregiver. And one crazy broad who kills her ex-boyfriends will get no slack just because 10 crazy dudes killed their ex-girlfriends.